Wow, that is about all I can muster today. I should have known yesterday that when you get to a point where you have made a decision for God to be in control that something will come up to challenge that stance. Today it happened on four different levels. It is now late and I am exhausted.
I wish I could say, "Here is what happened." But not the case. I haven't even begun to process it all.
So my blog ends here tonight. I have to spend more time in prayer. I know God will give me the words to articulate what He is doing in and through me but I have nothing right now. Just keeping it real because that is what I promised you, my readers.
So it is off to prayer, I know you all will understand.
Lord, bless my readers. Even if there is only one reading tonight, bless them. I know you are in control especially now. I go to spend time in prayer and ask for your comfort and wisdom to wash over my readers and myself. Amen
No trekking up the mountain today. It is time to sit on the cleft of the rock, for awhile.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Day 43 - Holiness
While continuing in the reflection from yesterday's blog about removing your shoes I decided to do it. I took them off and stood in my living room while praising God and asking for his supreme control of my life. I realize for me this will be an ongoing moment by moment task. I decided in order to stay on track I would keep Him ever before my eyes, especially when I am tempted to take control back.
Have you ever totally let go and dropped the reins? To me it feels like what I think falling off a cliff must be. It is a very strange sensation but I am trusting God that everything will work out for me. He is my protection.
So can you let go? Can you commit to taking off your shoes and while standing on holy ground praise Him? I think that the outcome will be better than we could imagine. Try it with me. If you are reading and willing to give yourself over to His holiness and total control, please write back and tell me now you feel and blessings for obedience. I'd love to hear how it is working in your life.
Lord, it is so hard to let go, really let go and give everything over to you. I am making the declaration to worship your holiness, trusting in You for guidance, provision, protection and most of all peace. Amen
So while standing on the cliff edge I slip off my hiking boots and socks. I wiggle my toes and then stand up to proclaim the Lord's goodness. I give Him me and everything that entails. I trust that for the next 322 days of this 'broken' journey and in to the days beyond He will be guiding me. May I truley come to know Him even deeper as my passion soars like the eagles.
Have you ever totally let go and dropped the reins? To me it feels like what I think falling off a cliff must be. It is a very strange sensation but I am trusting God that everything will work out for me. He is my protection.
So can you let go? Can you commit to taking off your shoes and while standing on holy ground praise Him? I think that the outcome will be better than we could imagine. Try it with me. If you are reading and willing to give yourself over to His holiness and total control, please write back and tell me now you feel and blessings for obedience. I'd love to hear how it is working in your life.
Lord, it is so hard to let go, really let go and give everything over to you. I am making the declaration to worship your holiness, trusting in You for guidance, provision, protection and most of all peace. Amen
So while standing on the cliff edge I slip off my hiking boots and socks. I wiggle my toes and then stand up to proclaim the Lord's goodness. I give Him me and everything that entails. I trust that for the next 322 days of this 'broken' journey and in to the days beyond He will be guiding me. May I truley come to know Him even deeper as my passion soars like the eagles.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Day 42 - Take off your shoes
I have to admit that I'm stealing the theme of today's message at church. The actual title was, "Who's in Charge." The segment I liked best was about removing your shoes as an act of submission to the totality of God, a surrender to let Him control everything. For someone like me that has struggled with being in charge most of my adult life, I had mixed emotions. It was very certain that I want to be found obedient to God but he concept of total loss of control was daunting.
How about you? If you control or try and control your enviornment, is it working for you? Or are you stressed out most of the time? If you don't control people and situations is the thought of never doing so okay with you? I think for most all of us we are in one camp or the other.
Lord, I want you to have the supreme reins of my life. I know you have my best interest in mind and that the problems usually arise when I get in the way. Help me and my readers to relinquish everything over to you. There is a holy freedom that brings us peace that this world can't give. We long for it and the joy too. Amen
So my mountain resembles what Moses must have faced when he heard God speak from the burning bush asking him to remove his sandals because he was standing on Holy ground. I have submitted this entire 365 day journey to God to take me where He wants and do with me what He needs to accomplish healing only He can bring. I am commited to the process and looking forward to victory in my life. I know He can do it for you too but the journey for all of us starts with the first step.
How about you? If you control or try and control your enviornment, is it working for you? Or are you stressed out most of the time? If you don't control people and situations is the thought of never doing so okay with you? I think for most all of us we are in one camp or the other.
Lord, I want you to have the supreme reins of my life. I know you have my best interest in mind and that the problems usually arise when I get in the way. Help me and my readers to relinquish everything over to you. There is a holy freedom that brings us peace that this world can't give. We long for it and the joy too. Amen
So my mountain resembles what Moses must have faced when he heard God speak from the burning bush asking him to remove his sandals because he was standing on Holy ground. I have submitted this entire 365 day journey to God to take me where He wants and do with me what He needs to accomplish healing only He can bring. I am commited to the process and looking forward to victory in my life. I know He can do it for you too but the journey for all of us starts with the first step.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Day 41 - The Love of a Mother
The last 24 hours have been very difficult for me. In my journey of 'broken' I never suspected that in order to heal a specific area of my life it would come through some adversity to another. That other person is the most wonderful mother I have ever known. I just wish she had been mine.
My Aunt Dee Dee, Delores her given name, is my fathers sister. She took care of me when I was very young and was a pivotal part of my life. When it came to being strong, loving, and caring she modeled them all in classy elegance. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and was emotionally stable. Since I had a very dysfunctional life she was always there to offer guidance, be encouraging, pray, love and help in any way possible. All the things I wish I had from my own parents but never did.
When my Aunt Dee Dee lost her daughter due to an illness I grieved with her because I was close to my cousin. I never dreamed I would lose my son and experience the same agony she had. It was a bond that drew us even closer. Then when my Aunt was faced with raising her granddaughter I applauded her action even though it had to be tough, parenting again later in life. I never thought that would happen to me too. But nine years ago it did and I found even more that we shared in common. The bonds have gone far from Aunt/Niece. I truely see her as a mother and wanted her to know how deeply I loved her presence in my life. This was never anything either of us sought out, it just developed over time and the turmoil of life we shared. After the fifty plus years I struggled to be good enough, accepted, loved unconditinally with my parents, I resolved to let God deal with their hearts and move forward with people who did validate my existence.
So when I got the call last night that she had suffered a stroke but was in the hospital I immediately went to the Lord and asked for a special touch from Jesus. I am so far away so I sent a message to her via my cousin, her son. I regret that I let busy days keep me from calling more often. I pray that she will recover enough to go home and that I will be able to resume our relationship. After the death of my son and now this illness of my dear Aunt I am even more convinced that we need to take time to strenghten our basic relationships. It is never good to be "too busy" in life. We must find time to stop and stay in touch with those we love.
Lord, I trust in your omnipresence. I know that You are there to minister healing in my Aunts hospital room as you are here with me healing past wounds. I thank you for all the years you held me, loved me, and watched over me, till I could recognize the maternal bonds you provided in my life in this Aunt. I was never alone and through it all you were ever with me. Amen
So as I take this steep climb to the unsuspected ledge I marvel at the beauty around me. I place my Aunt in your safe keeping and ask favor and grace for her in the power of the Holy Spirit. I take a minute to bow my head, say a prayer and find your peace in my heart.
My Aunt Dee Dee, Delores her given name, is my fathers sister. She took care of me when I was very young and was a pivotal part of my life. When it came to being strong, loving, and caring she modeled them all in classy elegance. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and was emotionally stable. Since I had a very dysfunctional life she was always there to offer guidance, be encouraging, pray, love and help in any way possible. All the things I wish I had from my own parents but never did.
When my Aunt Dee Dee lost her daughter due to an illness I grieved with her because I was close to my cousin. I never dreamed I would lose my son and experience the same agony she had. It was a bond that drew us even closer. Then when my Aunt was faced with raising her granddaughter I applauded her action even though it had to be tough, parenting again later in life. I never thought that would happen to me too. But nine years ago it did and I found even more that we shared in common. The bonds have gone far from Aunt/Niece. I truely see her as a mother and wanted her to know how deeply I loved her presence in my life. This was never anything either of us sought out, it just developed over time and the turmoil of life we shared. After the fifty plus years I struggled to be good enough, accepted, loved unconditinally with my parents, I resolved to let God deal with their hearts and move forward with people who did validate my existence.
So when I got the call last night that she had suffered a stroke but was in the hospital I immediately went to the Lord and asked for a special touch from Jesus. I am so far away so I sent a message to her via my cousin, her son. I regret that I let busy days keep me from calling more often. I pray that she will recover enough to go home and that I will be able to resume our relationship. After the death of my son and now this illness of my dear Aunt I am even more convinced that we need to take time to strenghten our basic relationships. It is never good to be "too busy" in life. We must find time to stop and stay in touch with those we love.
Lord, I trust in your omnipresence. I know that You are there to minister healing in my Aunts hospital room as you are here with me healing past wounds. I thank you for all the years you held me, loved me, and watched over me, till I could recognize the maternal bonds you provided in my life in this Aunt. I was never alone and through it all you were ever with me. Amen
So as I take this steep climb to the unsuspected ledge I marvel at the beauty around me. I place my Aunt in your safe keeping and ask favor and grace for her in the power of the Holy Spirit. I take a minute to bow my head, say a prayer and find your peace in my heart.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Day 40 - Children
I really love my children and grandchildren. They are so very important to me. I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. Today I had a call from my son and then a text from my one of my daughters. I got to see sonogram pictures of the new grandbaby to be born early next year. Life and the process if so cool. You can't say there is no God when you see a baby in the womb. It is especially neat when my children have parenting questions or stories because it reminds me so much of each one of them. Their children are really little versions of who they were long ago when they can't remember.
It got me to thinking. In the Bible where God says we are to approach Him as children I used to think that was because children are so curious and easy to reason with because they generally take everything as exactly the way it is presented. Not alot of questions and what fors, or whys. It seems like as we age we get less dependent on Him and more about doing our own thing. While we as earthly parents applaud this "growing up" and "maturing" in our children it really goes contrary to how the Lord wants us to behave with Him.
So I thought that a big part of my healing in all areas 'broken' will center on how child-like I can present myself to God. Stripping away the preconceived ideas of how it oughta be and the way it will be so that I just hear and obey. It is going to be a huge key to my freedom I'm sure.
Lord I want to be the child you created me to be even though I am housed in an adult earthly body. Since my Spirit has no age I ask that you rejuvenate me from the child base and give me the healthy curiosity and longing for more of You. Amen
So as I climb this mountain called healing,with one foot in front of the other, I am looking to refresh my inner child and long for her to come out and play. I can't wait for how God will take her, heal her and then watch it manifest in me.
It got me to thinking. In the Bible where God says we are to approach Him as children I used to think that was because children are so curious and easy to reason with because they generally take everything as exactly the way it is presented. Not alot of questions and what fors, or whys. It seems like as we age we get less dependent on Him and more about doing our own thing. While we as earthly parents applaud this "growing up" and "maturing" in our children it really goes contrary to how the Lord wants us to behave with Him.
So I thought that a big part of my healing in all areas 'broken' will center on how child-like I can present myself to God. Stripping away the preconceived ideas of how it oughta be and the way it will be so that I just hear and obey. It is going to be a huge key to my freedom I'm sure.
Lord I want to be the child you created me to be even though I am housed in an adult earthly body. Since my Spirit has no age I ask that you rejuvenate me from the child base and give me the healthy curiosity and longing for more of You. Amen
So as I climb this mountain called healing,with one foot in front of the other, I am looking to refresh my inner child and long for her to come out and play. I can't wait for how God will take her, heal her and then watch it manifest in me.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Day 39 - Tests
Well home from Vegas and to the doctor I went. I had two tests today and I should have results in the next few days on one and in a week on the other. It is crazy to have to undergo exams to try and find out what is bothering you. I really am not fond of going to the doctor and even less when it comes to hospitals. I guess I should be relieved that we have such modern and technology driven medical exploration. I just hate to have anything wrong and am a big worry wart if there needs to be anything done.
That leads me to question, Why am I worrying before I even have the results? I think it is because the unknown is a mystery and the mind likes to conjur up the worst case scenario. For me it is ridding myself of the tendency to be a hypochondriac. My mother is now and was all my life a master at this. She fretted over everything and I saw many years ago the same thing happening to me. I vowed to never be like her and especially in this debilitating condition. But alas, I have become her in more ways that I want to admit. But I am fighting this hysterical fretting when it comes to medical issues.
So even though I did not enjoy the two visits today, I am thankful that I have doctors to care for me. I am trusting in God to be the overseer of my health and physician hands to assist if needed.
Lord it is amazing that we have modern medical technology and skilled physicians that can be your hands extended to heal. Praise you that I have all I need in You. Amen
So onward I go asking God to be the master of my life and my protector. As He is healing areas of my life I am taking this opportunity to lean into Him to lift worry from me
That leads me to question, Why am I worrying before I even have the results? I think it is because the unknown is a mystery and the mind likes to conjur up the worst case scenario. For me it is ridding myself of the tendency to be a hypochondriac. My mother is now and was all my life a master at this. She fretted over everything and I saw many years ago the same thing happening to me. I vowed to never be like her and especially in this debilitating condition. But alas, I have become her in more ways that I want to admit. But I am fighting this hysterical fretting when it comes to medical issues.
So even though I did not enjoy the two visits today, I am thankful that I have doctors to care for me. I am trusting in God to be the overseer of my health and physician hands to assist if needed.
Lord it is amazing that we have modern medical technology and skilled physicians that can be your hands extended to heal. Praise you that I have all I need in You. Amen
So onward I go asking God to be the master of my life and my protector. As He is healing areas of my life I am taking this opportunity to lean into Him to lift worry from me
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Day 38 - Defining Yourself
This blog is coming at you early. It is 12:15am in Las Vegas and I am about to retire for the night before an early call to get to the airport for my flight home tomorrow. As nice as the business event has been I am more than ready to get home. One key thing has stood out to me this week being around my peers. How do we define ourselves?
In my profession it is easy because I have a resume that helps list my employment and accomplishments. I know the value I bring to dental offices and I am respected amongst my peers.
However in life it can be a bit more challenging. Especially if you have been a 'broken' individual. While I struggle still with areas of my life that God needs to touch I find it difficult to define me. How about you? Do you define yourself based on your marital status? How about children or grandchildren? Character traits? I could go on but I think you get the idea. Many different ways to define us.
I think the real problem comes when we can't see the way God defines us. This is crfitical when we move forward healed. Our ability to help others will stem from a clear definition of who we are.
Lord, may we each grow fully into the exact definition you have designed for us. As you heal our 'broken' places can we step out in the light of your vision for our lives letting the Holy Spirit guide us into a representation of your likeness. Amen
So as I wind myself up on the mountain trail I am getting more eager than ever to tackle some issues because I know how God sees me and I want to start walking in that too.
In my profession it is easy because I have a resume that helps list my employment and accomplishments. I know the value I bring to dental offices and I am respected amongst my peers.
However in life it can be a bit more challenging. Especially if you have been a 'broken' individual. While I struggle still with areas of my life that God needs to touch I find it difficult to define me. How about you? Do you define yourself based on your marital status? How about children or grandchildren? Character traits? I could go on but I think you get the idea. Many different ways to define us.
I think the real problem comes when we can't see the way God defines us. This is crfitical when we move forward healed. Our ability to help others will stem from a clear definition of who we are.
Lord, may we each grow fully into the exact definition you have designed for us. As you heal our 'broken' places can we step out in the light of your vision for our lives letting the Holy Spirit guide us into a representation of your likeness. Amen
So as I wind myself up on the mountain trail I am getting more eager than ever to tackle some issues because I know how God sees me and I want to start walking in that too.
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