My Tribute to a Father and Daughter and
Daughter
Today while working at home I decided to turn on some music
from my iPad. I love music and even
though singing has been a great source of enjoyment for me over my life it has
not been something I have spent much time doing over the last twelve
years. That however is another story.
My songs “shuffle” and I
soon heard a song begin from one of my favorite musical’s Les Miserables. I had no idea when I first saw this musical in
the 1980’s how it would come to impact my life.
I have seen it so many times including Christmas night 2011 in Dallas
when my husband and I took our adopted granddaughter, Nicole, to her first
professional theatre production. She had
used Cosette’s song “Castle on a Cloud” for a Children’s theatre audition. Never realizing how much she had in common
with this character. The message of this musical is timeless, incredible
poignant and powerful.
It felt surreal though this Christmas 2012, when all three
of us went to the Christmas Day debut of Les Miserables on the big screen. What a difference this production would make over
one year’s time for our family.
I began to sing to the song playing on my iPad and was
overcome with a profound sorrow. I could
feel it deep in my soul. The tears would
not stop and I could no longer sing along.
It was just hitting too close to home.
Let me explain.
Ken and I married in 2000.
Both of us had four children from our previous marriages. Combined we had eight but I had lost my
oldest son in 1996 while he was serving in the US Navy. No parent should ever have to bury a
child. The grief of losing them is so
unconscionable and very difficult to navigate.
To our horror though grief struck our doorstep again. This time for Ken.
Even though we have had Nicole since she was eight weeks
old, Candice has been in contact with her over the years; family dinners,
birthdays, and holidays. Nicole was
aware Candice was her birth mother and the circumstances why she was unable to
parent.
Behavior, actions and poor choices led Candice through some
difficult and devastating circumstances of life. Although many family members tried to help,
the culmination of a rough life took it’s toll.
Candice knew the severity of her medical prognosis and accepted it,
holding out hope for a miracle. She expressed
her regret of choices made many times as well as her tremendous appreciation to
her father for raising Nicole. Candice most
definitely loved Nicole and was comforted to know her only child was in his
keeping. When Candice became gravely ill
this year she was accepting of ‘come what may’ and eventually succumbed from a
complication of her illness on October 29th, 2012.
Whenever a family suffers with a family member who has gone
wayward it takes a toll on everyone. You
love the sinner but not the sin. You
want to support and rescue but have to watch you are not used, abused or acting
as enabler for their decisions.
Dysfunction on the part of the wayward person has a way of penetrating
everyone in proximity. You want to do
the right thing, but it often becomes cloudy as to what that looks like.
My husband’s ultimate act of love came when he said yes to
adopt Nicole. He knew it would mean
several things to him and us as a newly married couple. Hopes and dreams for the future would be put
on hold and possibly never come to fruition, it would require more stamina and
finances meaning no retirement. There
was also a return to nighttime feedings, preschool tantrums and school homework. The future would bring driving lessons,
dating, another college education and a wedding to plan for. But he said yes, we welcomed this child with
open arms, and began relying daily on a big God to be our rock, our source, our
everything.
I honor my husband because through the years he never waivered
in his love and support for his wayward daughter. When family were exhausted by excessive
manipulation, dishonesty and pity parties, he held firm to God and did what
Jesus would do, love in spite of it all.
I am most sorrowful because of my participation in wanting
him to pull back. I was watching him
struggle with not knowing how to help or when he was enabling. It was taking a huge physical, mental and
emotional toll on him and as his spouse I didn’t know what to do. Tough love is what I thought. I couldn’t lose my husband. When was enough, enough.
But
despite the results of a family meeting, with expressions of love and support
for Ken, he prayed and stood firm on his rock, Jesus! When Candice passed a few weeks later he was
relieved to have held firm his commitment as a father. Candice slipped into the arms of Jesus
knowing her earthly father loved her much and her heavenly father loved much
more. She was the daughter of a father who
patterned his life like Jesus and a daughter of the King of Kings. Ken was not only her dear ‘Pops’ but was now
the best daddy in the world, watching over Nicole.
So listen to “Fantine’s, Come to me” from Les Miserables and you will hear Candice, Ken and Nicole’s story. Ken, however, has never shared Jean Valjean’s criminal past but has experienced the transforming love and grace of God just like every person who has confessed Christ as Lord and asked to be clean from the sin life in which we were all born into this world.
God has blessed me to be able to participate in this story
of love and redemption as a wife and mother.
Those are roles I won’t take for granted. I’ll cherish them and with Jesus do to it to
the best of my ability.
