Anytime you submit to a process you can feel robotic and like you are going through the motions. Before our family this week was planning for a funeral of someone way too young to die. At age thirty life is about to get really enjoyable. You have out lasted your awkward teens, and then those early twenty something years where you are growing into a full fledged adult.
So once the arrangements are made it is a day or two of visitors, meals together and then the actual service. Family has started arriving and time spent remembering a life is underway.
In this particular situation it is even harder because the deceased had a daughter who is the adopted daughter I am now raising with my husband Ken. Nicole knows that Candice was her biological mother and fully accepted the decision of officials who removed her at birth. Having been drug addicted at birth, Nicole suffered from being a month premature and only weighing 4lbs. 4oz.
The consequences of a life lived in sin can be very difficult. Because we who have accepted Christ as our savior we have the hope and peace that Jesus died for our sins. He died for them in total. He washes us with his blood, cleanses and give us a hope, salvation, beauty. Candice is now in the arms of Jesus and at her eternal home awaiting all of us when we reach our eternal destination.
Lord, please walk with those in the grieving process and grant them peace. Amen
The mountain is silent another day in respect and honor of life and the passing of one from this life to the next. Hold tight to her hand until we are there to once again be in fellowship.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Day 114 - Grief
I never dreamed that after last week and the sixteenth anniversary of my son's death that I would encounter death again in our family. Not at this time of year.
My husband and I retired about 11pm only to be awaken at 1am. Calling was the Dallas police department. They were calling to tell Ken his 30 yr. old had passed away in her condominum. She had been gravey ill for many months. Nevertheless the news jolted us awake and the grief process began.
Lord, I ask this week to go smoothly. I ask that you cover each of these family members with your blood and bring peace. Amen
The mountain is silent. I have stopped and submitted to the process. The climb can wait. It is here and now.
More later.......
My husband and I retired about 11pm only to be awaken at 1am. Calling was the Dallas police department. They were calling to tell Ken his 30 yr. old had passed away in her condominum. She had been gravey ill for many months. Nevertheless the news jolted us awake and the grief process began.
Lord, I ask this week to go smoothly. I ask that you cover each of these family members with your blood and bring peace. Amen
The mountain is silent. I have stopped and submitted to the process. The climb can wait. It is here and now.
More later.......
Monday, October 29, 2012
Day 113 - Tired
After a very long eleven hour training day I am home and still trying to recoup. My feet are literally killing me. It has been a long time since I have been this exhausted. On top of how bad I feel is watching Hurricane Sandy coming aground. It is just awful.
Lord I ask that you care for all human life in the path of this terrible storm. We leave the worry in your hands. Amen
Climbing has its limitations. You have to stop every once and a while to rest your feet.
Lord I ask that you care for all human life in the path of this terrible storm. We leave the worry in your hands. Amen
Climbing has its limitations. You have to stop every once and a while to rest your feet.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Day 112 - Freely give
As usual today's sermon at church was good food for the soul. Preaching on the Lord's Prayer we have arrived at Matthew 6:12, "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." The importance of forgiveness offered "freely," as we have been granted "freely," is the key to walking in right standing. God freely gives grace and forgiveness for ALL of our sins but yet we are not as quick to give freely to others. This allows for the torment of sin to encroach in our lives. It steals our peace, tears away joy, cause physical and emotional pain, just to name a few.
It reminds me of the weekend my son died of which I wrote about yesterday. Here is how it played out in my life that day after the news was delivered.
I boarded a flight from my home in Kansas to travel to Reno Medical Center in Nevada. Upon arrival the hospital staff was quick to greet me. Everyone extending condolences. A nurse told me that the three other Navy enlisted that were in the vehicle with my son, and who had escaped without serious injury, were wanting to see me. I had thought the request seemed odd but agreed to see them first before I was to be taken to the room where my son lay attached to life support. (He was only on life support long enough for me to get there and say my goodbyes and then he would be taken to the operating room for the organ harvesting.)
I approached the room, the nurse opening the door for me. Immediately three very emotionally shaken boys stood to attention. Military training. I gestured for them to please sit. I looked around at each of them who were glum, with down cast eyes and fidgeting. One boy spoke breaking the awkward silence. "Ma'am I am very sorry for what has happened. I don't know what to do." He was clearly searching for what to say when he was finally face to face with me. He could not bring himself to look at me. I am sure he had been in agony these past many hours since the wreck Saturday early morning and my arrival to the medical center on Sunday early afternoon. He must have rehearsed over and over what he would say and further what I would say or do to him.
I decided to end the awkwardness. I moved closer to him so I could get face to face and said, "Please son, I don't hold this against you. It could very easily have been my son who was driving the car. One of you had to be assertive enough to offer themselves as a mentally alert driver. The fact that you may have been and then into the drive you also became to sleepy to be operating the vehicle is unfortunate. It is a miracle that you all were not more seriously injured. Please don't beat yourself up over this as I am not angry. I only ask of you one thing." The boy who had been driving said, "Anything, what?" "I want you to never drive again if you lack sleep." All three boys nodded and each hugged me as they left the room.
I had no way of knowing at the time how this would impact them or myself. I am sure they thought I would arrive crying, screaming and heap loads of condemnation. After all my son was gone and they were for the most part only slightly injured and suffering. I was just offering the same forgiveness that I had been given by God and that which I hope any other mother would give my son had he been alive and sitting in that room. There is no way I would want the torment or a harsh emotional response on my part to ruin their lives for a mistake. We all make them. Some have devastating consequences and others less so. The point is unless you have practiced freely giving of grace, forgiveness, etc. you will not do so when the situation is in your face.
Lord, your compassion for us and how You transcend this life to grow us into images of Yourself is a precious thing to me. I want to always be found in You so my life is Your reflection. Amen
So I set off climbing the next steep section of path. I don't get very far and there is a huge bend. The way is narrow. Obviously only one person can traverse this. Single file. I am slow and methodical making sure to plant my foot, one foot then the other. I am watching my feet to make sure I don't stumble when I hear weeping. I can tell it is ahead of me but afraid to look up for fear of falling.
As I round the next curve I see a huge boulder. It looks supported enough to rest there. I sit and then see her. Lying on the ground beside the boulder. She is trembling. "Honey, how long have you been here?' I asked as she looked penetratingly into my eyes. It was suddenly clear she was thirsty. I removed my canteen and offered her a drink. She gulped down a few chugs and then said, "Several days I think. We came up here to hike for the day and my friend stumbled and fell. I tried to catch her but couldn't." I could see that this hiker had a broken leg. Limbs don't bend the way hers was positioned. Obviously this is why she had not moved.
I immediately scoured the area, no friend. "Where did she fall?" I was agitated to find this other person. "Behind me." She pointed over her head. All that was there was a huge ravine. I looked, nothing. I called out. No reply. "It's no use," she continued through her tears, "I watched the horrific event, her tumbling end over end, out of sight, her screams at first and then silence. I just know she's gone. I should never have encouraged her to come hiking here. She hates heights. She much prefers mild paths. I wanted her to have some adventure. I've killed her!"
She was getting louder and louder as she relayed the story to me. "Please don't hold yourself responsible. What if you had fallen. She would be here just as shaken as you." It made me feel good to help her calm down.
I reached for my cell phone and placed a call to the Ranger station. They were sending help and soon we would find out the fate of this hikers friend. Most importantly I was getting her to safety and to the medical help she needed.
I sat with her, prayed for her and her friend until help arrived. Once in the canvas stretcher she motioned for me to come close. As I bent down toward her face she kissed my forehead and said,"You are an angel, I'll never forget these few moments we have shared."
I watched them disappear out of sight and then I knelt in this tiny space. I thanked God for His hand of protection and for allowing me to tend to one of His sheep. Freely I gave all that was in me to give. It was exhilarating and energized me for the rest of my climb.
It reminds me of the weekend my son died of which I wrote about yesterday. Here is how it played out in my life that day after the news was delivered.
I boarded a flight from my home in Kansas to travel to Reno Medical Center in Nevada. Upon arrival the hospital staff was quick to greet me. Everyone extending condolences. A nurse told me that the three other Navy enlisted that were in the vehicle with my son, and who had escaped without serious injury, were wanting to see me. I had thought the request seemed odd but agreed to see them first before I was to be taken to the room where my son lay attached to life support. (He was only on life support long enough for me to get there and say my goodbyes and then he would be taken to the operating room for the organ harvesting.)
I approached the room, the nurse opening the door for me. Immediately three very emotionally shaken boys stood to attention. Military training. I gestured for them to please sit. I looked around at each of them who were glum, with down cast eyes and fidgeting. One boy spoke breaking the awkward silence. "Ma'am I am very sorry for what has happened. I don't know what to do." He was clearly searching for what to say when he was finally face to face with me. He could not bring himself to look at me. I am sure he had been in agony these past many hours since the wreck Saturday early morning and my arrival to the medical center on Sunday early afternoon. He must have rehearsed over and over what he would say and further what I would say or do to him.
I decided to end the awkwardness. I moved closer to him so I could get face to face and said, "Please son, I don't hold this against you. It could very easily have been my son who was driving the car. One of you had to be assertive enough to offer themselves as a mentally alert driver. The fact that you may have been and then into the drive you also became to sleepy to be operating the vehicle is unfortunate. It is a miracle that you all were not more seriously injured. Please don't beat yourself up over this as I am not angry. I only ask of you one thing." The boy who had been driving said, "Anything, what?" "I want you to never drive again if you lack sleep." All three boys nodded and each hugged me as they left the room.
I had no way of knowing at the time how this would impact them or myself. I am sure they thought I would arrive crying, screaming and heap loads of condemnation. After all my son was gone and they were for the most part only slightly injured and suffering. I was just offering the same forgiveness that I had been given by God and that which I hope any other mother would give my son had he been alive and sitting in that room. There is no way I would want the torment or a harsh emotional response on my part to ruin their lives for a mistake. We all make them. Some have devastating consequences and others less so. The point is unless you have practiced freely giving of grace, forgiveness, etc. you will not do so when the situation is in your face.
Lord, your compassion for us and how You transcend this life to grow us into images of Yourself is a precious thing to me. I want to always be found in You so my life is Your reflection. Amen
So I set off climbing the next steep section of path. I don't get very far and there is a huge bend. The way is narrow. Obviously only one person can traverse this. Single file. I am slow and methodical making sure to plant my foot, one foot then the other. I am watching my feet to make sure I don't stumble when I hear weeping. I can tell it is ahead of me but afraid to look up for fear of falling.
As I round the next curve I see a huge boulder. It looks supported enough to rest there. I sit and then see her. Lying on the ground beside the boulder. She is trembling. "Honey, how long have you been here?' I asked as she looked penetratingly into my eyes. It was suddenly clear she was thirsty. I removed my canteen and offered her a drink. She gulped down a few chugs and then said, "Several days I think. We came up here to hike for the day and my friend stumbled and fell. I tried to catch her but couldn't." I could see that this hiker had a broken leg. Limbs don't bend the way hers was positioned. Obviously this is why she had not moved.
I immediately scoured the area, no friend. "Where did she fall?" I was agitated to find this other person. "Behind me." She pointed over her head. All that was there was a huge ravine. I looked, nothing. I called out. No reply. "It's no use," she continued through her tears, "I watched the horrific event, her tumbling end over end, out of sight, her screams at first and then silence. I just know she's gone. I should never have encouraged her to come hiking here. She hates heights. She much prefers mild paths. I wanted her to have some adventure. I've killed her!"
She was getting louder and louder as she relayed the story to me. "Please don't hold yourself responsible. What if you had fallen. She would be here just as shaken as you." It made me feel good to help her calm down.
I reached for my cell phone and placed a call to the Ranger station. They were sending help and soon we would find out the fate of this hikers friend. Most importantly I was getting her to safety and to the medical help she needed.
I sat with her, prayed for her and her friend until help arrived. Once in the canvas stretcher she motioned for me to come close. As I bent down toward her face she kissed my forehead and said,"You are an angel, I'll never forget these few moments we have shared."
I watched them disappear out of sight and then I knelt in this tiny space. I thanked God for His hand of protection and for allowing me to tend to one of His sheep. Freely I gave all that was in me to give. It was exhilarating and energized me for the rest of my climb.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Day 111 - As Promised, Dual Blog
I mentioned in my previous tweet style blog to stay tuned for a dual blog. Two events, two children and two opposite end spectrums. Let me begin this rather long blog with an excerpt from a chapter of the book I am writing.
I had no way of knowing when I left my house on Saturday morning I would lay my head to my pillow in the early hours of Sunday. I had no warning of how radically my life was about to change. I learned something, so horrific and beyond my realm of belief, was unfolding as I went about my day. In the early evening hours I would be summoned to my home, bowling night out interrupted. All I knew while en route from the bowling center to my house was that a very important visitor was there. My children were at work and at high school functions. Shortly after arriving home my best friend from high school appeared followed by my mother. Odd to say the least and my heart pounded when I saw them looking rather sullen. Before anyone could say anything I heard the knock at the door. I turned the door knob and looked in shock as I saw the Navy officer in white dress uniform, hat in hand. I immediately shut the door and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
Nothing, absolutely nothing prepares a parent for the news of a death regarding one of their children. No matter how old or young the child, a parent is not supposed to bury a child. Making matters worse when there is no closure because events happened so suddenly.
My Navy son, age twenty, my first born was gone. An accident while on temporary assignment away from his duty station. "Ma'am I am so very sorry for your loss," the officer told me. "The Department of the Navy sends condolences." Wow!
So much to do and it was getting late. The door opened about nine p.m. and in comes my other children, a son and two daughters. Someone had interrupted there evening events to inform them of the news I was being delivered. They came through the doors, crying and we all huddled on the living room floor. Others arrived and from there forward for the next week things are a blur. What little rest I got that night was due in part to a mild sedative my doctor prescribed.
I love all my children and I especially honor this day with prayer and praise for my son, Paul. He was a bright child and a joy. He was handsome and loved his family. He was a devoted husband and was counting the days till Christmas when he could come home and visit all of us. A visit to never be.
As much as I miss him terribly I am grateful to have nurtured him from womb to cradle. I have many memories, pictures, trips and events we shared. He loved his siblings and was a proud US Navy seaman. He had goals and hope for a great future. He may have a different home right now but he is in the arms of God and one day we will share a lifetime rejoicing around the throne.
It was very hard to bounce back from this event the following morning. I was in a fog from the medication to help me take the edge off the pain. It was my youngest daughters seventeenth birthday. There was no way I wanted the remaining years of her birthdays to be gloomy. But try as I could it was hard to be joyful and ready to celebrate. But she was my baby and struggling with her own issues and those trying high school years. I wanted so much to be able to pretend Paul's death was a bad dream so we could party with the birthday girl, but not this year. I had to fly to Reno and then Virginia.
So what have I learned and how am I doing these sixteen years since. I am doing fine. God has so graciously healed much of the pain and shown me people who I can minister to which are going through similar situations. I've learned to appreciate life on a daily basis. I have even learned how to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. No more regrets over would-of, could-of, should-of's.
It is my hope and prayer to use all the pain in my life as rays of light to minister hope and healing to those in need, those with whom I can relate. Turning pain around is huge for many people. Accepting God's plan for your life allows you to take that very thing the enemy meant to destroy you with and making gains for the kingdom instead.
Lord, thank you for the gift of my children. Paul, Christina, Anthony and Jennifer. Without them my life is not complete. In and through them I have learned joy, strength, and peace. For what ever time I am allowed to hold them, nurture them, mold and shape their lives I am blessed. I know they are actually Your children, just as I am. I submit to Your decisions regarding them. Praise you for bestowing upon this mother, four of the best kids I could ever dream of having. Amen
So as I stand looking at the challenge ahead of me on this next steep climb I dig deep and gather strength, motivation and courage. I remember past events that looked to be life ending and ponder how those have propelled me to be the person I am today. From 'broken' and wounded, down for the count God has showed me how to get up, get going and look for opportunities to share what He has done for me. I am pumped and on the look-out. Bring it! With all my cares positioned in Christ I am unencumbered. Flowing through me is a love so sweet, born a new from tears kissed away by God. It is time to be His hands and feet, kisses and hugs.
I had no way of knowing when I left my house on Saturday morning I would lay my head to my pillow in the early hours of Sunday. I had no warning of how radically my life was about to change. I learned something, so horrific and beyond my realm of belief, was unfolding as I went about my day. In the early evening hours I would be summoned to my home, bowling night out interrupted. All I knew while en route from the bowling center to my house was that a very important visitor was there. My children were at work and at high school functions. Shortly after arriving home my best friend from high school appeared followed by my mother. Odd to say the least and my heart pounded when I saw them looking rather sullen. Before anyone could say anything I heard the knock at the door. I turned the door knob and looked in shock as I saw the Navy officer in white dress uniform, hat in hand. I immediately shut the door and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
Nothing, absolutely nothing prepares a parent for the news of a death regarding one of their children. No matter how old or young the child, a parent is not supposed to bury a child. Making matters worse when there is no closure because events happened so suddenly.
My Navy son, age twenty, my first born was gone. An accident while on temporary assignment away from his duty station. "Ma'am I am so very sorry for your loss," the officer told me. "The Department of the Navy sends condolences." Wow!
So much to do and it was getting late. The door opened about nine p.m. and in comes my other children, a son and two daughters. Someone had interrupted there evening events to inform them of the news I was being delivered. They came through the doors, crying and we all huddled on the living room floor. Others arrived and from there forward for the next week things are a blur. What little rest I got that night was due in part to a mild sedative my doctor prescribed.
I love all my children and I especially honor this day with prayer and praise for my son, Paul. He was a bright child and a joy. He was handsome and loved his family. He was a devoted husband and was counting the days till Christmas when he could come home and visit all of us. A visit to never be.
As much as I miss him terribly I am grateful to have nurtured him from womb to cradle. I have many memories, pictures, trips and events we shared. He loved his siblings and was a proud US Navy seaman. He had goals and hope for a great future. He may have a different home right now but he is in the arms of God and one day we will share a lifetime rejoicing around the throne.
It was very hard to bounce back from this event the following morning. I was in a fog from the medication to help me take the edge off the pain. It was my youngest daughters seventeenth birthday. There was no way I wanted the remaining years of her birthdays to be gloomy. But try as I could it was hard to be joyful and ready to celebrate. But she was my baby and struggling with her own issues and those trying high school years. I wanted so much to be able to pretend Paul's death was a bad dream so we could party with the birthday girl, but not this year. I had to fly to Reno and then Virginia.
So what have I learned and how am I doing these sixteen years since. I am doing fine. God has so graciously healed much of the pain and shown me people who I can minister to which are going through similar situations. I've learned to appreciate life on a daily basis. I have even learned how to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. No more regrets over would-of, could-of, should-of's.
It is my hope and prayer to use all the pain in my life as rays of light to minister hope and healing to those in need, those with whom I can relate. Turning pain around is huge for many people. Accepting God's plan for your life allows you to take that very thing the enemy meant to destroy you with and making gains for the kingdom instead.
Lord, thank you for the gift of my children. Paul, Christina, Anthony and Jennifer. Without them my life is not complete. In and through them I have learned joy, strength, and peace. For what ever time I am allowed to hold them, nurture them, mold and shape their lives I am blessed. I know they are actually Your children, just as I am. I submit to Your decisions regarding them. Praise you for bestowing upon this mother, four of the best kids I could ever dream of having. Amen
So as I stand looking at the challenge ahead of me on this next steep climb I dig deep and gather strength, motivation and courage. I remember past events that looked to be life ending and ponder how those have propelled me to be the person I am today. From 'broken' and wounded, down for the count God has showed me how to get up, get going and look for opportunities to share what He has done for me. I am pumped and on the look-out. Bring it! With all my cares positioned in Christ I am unencumbered. Flowing through me is a love so sweet, born a new from tears kissed away by God. It is time to be His hands and feet, kisses and hugs.
Day 110 - A tribute and a rejoicing
I will post today but later tonight. Stay tuned for a blog in the wee hours of tonight and early morning that will be two entries in one. Two children events and two ends of the spectrum.
Later.......
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Day 109 - Around the corner
Today was really busy for me. Lots to do and some major decisions to make. I am really needing divine wisdom, impartation of truth and peace.
It was also the eve of a stress filled anniversary. I don't look forward to October 26th on my calendar.
I fully expect God to show up in both situations. It is like peeking around the corner. You wanna see what's coming before you just charge ahead.
Lord, I know you are with me. I trust you completely. I want nothing more than to please the kingdom with offering myself to You. Please use me for the purpose I was designed. Amen
So as I wandered over to the cliff edge to get a view of where I have been I can also see some struggles ahead. Looking around the bolder I see a steep climb and the path is anything but perfected. I realize it is going to take a bit of time but the end result will be worth in. I have ahold of God and know He is holding me.
It was also the eve of a stress filled anniversary. I don't look forward to October 26th on my calendar.
I fully expect God to show up in both situations. It is like peeking around the corner. You wanna see what's coming before you just charge ahead.
Lord, I know you are with me. I trust you completely. I want nothing more than to please the kingdom with offering myself to You. Please use me for the purpose I was designed. Amen
So as I wandered over to the cliff edge to get a view of where I have been I can also see some struggles ahead. Looking around the bolder I see a steep climb and the path is anything but perfected. I realize it is going to take a bit of time but the end result will be worth in. I have ahold of God and know He is holding me.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
DAY 108 - Circle of Influence
So much to do and so little time. Some days I wish I had more hours. The mornings I spend in prayer first thing seem to help me clarify all I have to do. It is still a challenge to get it all done and find time to relax.
Have you ever felt like you were a mouse chasing your tail? I know we are all busy but finding time to invest in the lives of others is very important. The younger the investee the more impact.
Lord help us to find quality time with others. We are relational people and need each other. Thank you for putting everything in place for me and the people who I am able to reach with love and influence. Amen
I'm hoping to find others on this portion of the journey today. The journey is better when we can go with friends. I prayed and asked God to allow me to help them when we meet with whatever need they have. if I can serve out of my 'brokenness' then healing happens for both people.
Have you ever felt like you were a mouse chasing your tail? I know we are all busy but finding time to invest in the lives of others is very important. The younger the investee the more impact.
Lord help us to find quality time with others. We are relational people and need each other. Thank you for putting everything in place for me and the people who I am able to reach with love and influence. Amen
I'm hoping to find others on this portion of the journey today. The journey is better when we can go with friends. I prayed and asked God to allow me to help them when we meet with whatever need they have. if I can serve out of my 'brokenness' then healing happens for both people.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Day 107 - Heaven Quiet?
Today was one of those days where heaven seemed silent. I've learned that whent that happens I know God is working even if I don't feel Him, hear Him, or get a great revelation in prayer. Sometimes silence is golden. It means that God is doing something we desperately need.
I have so much I have been praying about and guidance I need it is hard to focus on other things. I keep wanting to plan things but realize I have to learn more trust and faith. So I went about my normal routine and kept a keen ear to hear if something did happen. Sure enough something did.
I got a call from a friend and she was so happy at a new job she had just gotten. I was happy for her. Even better was news that something she had heard in her day was indeed a link to something I had been praying about. It was clear God was working behind the scenes to position things for my immediate future. Wonderful and peaceful. I am so confident in how God leds that He has my situation under control and paving my path.
Lord, thank you for all you do for me. Good is great and even the bad is something useful to you. I submit to be a channel for you to flow through all of it. I am so happy to be your daughter. It is a blessing and joy filled exeperience walking the Christian life. Amen
So as I take on more of this mountain climb I stop to take a bit of refreshment in the form of water from a canteen. It tastes so good when you are working up a sweat. Makes me happy that you can get a soul refreshing and a physical refresing at the same time.
I have so much I have been praying about and guidance I need it is hard to focus on other things. I keep wanting to plan things but realize I have to learn more trust and faith. So I went about my normal routine and kept a keen ear to hear if something did happen. Sure enough something did.
I got a call from a friend and she was so happy at a new job she had just gotten. I was happy for her. Even better was news that something she had heard in her day was indeed a link to something I had been praying about. It was clear God was working behind the scenes to position things for my immediate future. Wonderful and peaceful. I am so confident in how God leds that He has my situation under control and paving my path.
Lord, thank you for all you do for me. Good is great and even the bad is something useful to you. I submit to be a channel for you to flow through all of it. I am so happy to be your daughter. It is a blessing and joy filled exeperience walking the Christian life. Amen
So as I take on more of this mountain climb I stop to take a bit of refreshment in the form of water from a canteen. It tastes so good when you are working up a sweat. Makes me happy that you can get a soul refreshing and a physical refresing at the same time.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Day 106 - Whew, that's over
Well tonight ended the Presidential debates for this election year. I am so happy they are over and we are spared further back and forth lies and false character jabs that both men have slew. It is really not appealing at all to listen to the bashing of the each other. No matter what, in two weeks, the verdict will be in and we wil either have four more years of the current administration or a change at the helm. I'll say it, I'm hoping and praying for a change at the helm. This nation can's afford four more years with the current administration.
It is very hard in our life to not only stand up for what we believe in but to also not character bash anyone else in the process. It is just as hard sometimes to boldly make a verbal stand for Christ. But it is what we need to do. We must educate oursleves enough to know why we stand for what. We can no longer let the wave of this or that carry us around. The Bible even talks about people being carried away by the wind of every doctrine. We must take a stand and then hold our ground.
Lord it is so hard sometimes to stand our ground on issues and make verbal decrees as to ourt affiliations. Help us to always be bold for the cause of Christian values and to represent You in our actions and speech. Amen
So as I start the climb I realize that my praising God as I walk up the mountain is making a declaration as to where my hope and strength is found. I look forward to encountering more friends on my path and what God thing I can help bring to light for them. I am sure it will come from any one of the many 'broken' areas God is using to heal me and help others.
It is very hard in our life to not only stand up for what we believe in but to also not character bash anyone else in the process. It is just as hard sometimes to boldly make a verbal stand for Christ. But it is what we need to do. We must educate oursleves enough to know why we stand for what. We can no longer let the wave of this or that carry us around. The Bible even talks about people being carried away by the wind of every doctrine. We must take a stand and then hold our ground.
Lord it is so hard sometimes to stand our ground on issues and make verbal decrees as to ourt affiliations. Help us to always be bold for the cause of Christian values and to represent You in our actions and speech. Amen
So as I start the climb I realize that my praising God as I walk up the mountain is making a declaration as to where my hope and strength is found. I look forward to encountering more friends on my path and what God thing I can help bring to light for them. I am sure it will come from any one of the many 'broken' areas God is using to heal me and help others.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Day 105 - Daily Needs
Very great sermon again today at church. Studying the Lord's Prayer and the verse, "Give us this day our daily bread." Pastor Morris was quick to point out the redundance of day and daily in this verse. "Why did He say it twice?" The reason to give us the confirmation to rely on Him daily for our needs for that particular day. Wow, powerful stuff.
Got me to thinking about how much we try to handle ourselves, store up for ourselves and how infrequent we actually pray about today for today.
Lord, help us to all stay in constant dialog with You so that we can have our needs addressed. You are concerned about our daily needs and we know how much we are reliant on Your provision. Amen
So as I embark on the next climb I stop and ask the Lord to be with me this day, give me all I need for today. As things come up that God is healing in me, all the 'broken' areas, I know I will have the strength because I am asking for all that I need on a daily basis. How great a God we serve.
Got me to thinking about how much we try to handle ourselves, store up for ourselves and how infrequent we actually pray about today for today.
Lord, help us to all stay in constant dialog with You so that we can have our needs addressed. You are concerned about our daily needs and we know how much we are reliant on Your provision. Amen
So as I embark on the next climb I stop and ask the Lord to be with me this day, give me all I need for today. As things come up that God is healing in me, all the 'broken' areas, I know I will have the strength because I am asking for all that I need on a daily basis. How great a God we serve.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Day 104 - Moving On
So moving through your days can sometimes seem robotic but if everyone looks and listens they are sure to see something of importance. Maybe it is a new person you meet. A situation you have the keen eye for resolving. A word that is timely for someone in need. A tender gesture for someone lonely. Every day offers us the opportunity to be blessed or be a blessing.
Today I called my son and wished him a Happy Birthday. I spent time with my grandchildren after our family attended the play our daughter made her acting debut in. I was probably more nervous than my daughter even though she had a mini meltdown and was crying before the play started. Her other cast mates rallied around her and she did just fine. Whew! Just having a leisure day is nice when you are surrounded by those you love.
Lord, it is so nice to have days that are relaxing, no deadlines, no rush to get somewhere. Just enjoying being with the special people in our lives. I praise you for my wonderful family. Amen
So as I head closer to the base of this next mountain range I am in awe of the beauty before me and all the challenges this climb will present. I am grateful for the time of rest. I am glad for the new friend I met here and pray that her life will turn around. God has a plan for her heartache. He is great at using our 'broken' stuff in a way that is beyond our imagination.
Today I called my son and wished him a Happy Birthday. I spent time with my grandchildren after our family attended the play our daughter made her acting debut in. I was probably more nervous than my daughter even though she had a mini meltdown and was crying before the play started. Her other cast mates rallied around her and she did just fine. Whew! Just having a leisure day is nice when you are surrounded by those you love.
Lord, it is so nice to have days that are relaxing, no deadlines, no rush to get somewhere. Just enjoying being with the special people in our lives. I praise you for my wonderful family. Amen
So as I head closer to the base of this next mountain range I am in awe of the beauty before me and all the challenges this climb will present. I am grateful for the time of rest. I am glad for the new friend I met here and pray that her life will turn around. God has a plan for her heartache. He is great at using our 'broken' stuff in a way that is beyond our imagination.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Day 103 - Eve of Acting Debut
Well after four years of exposing our adopted daughter to many things we finally found her nitch. She loves singing and dancing but acting was a surprise. Tomorrow she debuts in her first play. At age nine it is exciting to see her exel in something and be so very happy doing it.
Makes me think that God is equally happy with us when we excel at something that He gifted us to do. When we use our natural unique talents and abilities to further the kingdom it makes our purpose complete.
Lord, we are so thankful that we have spiritually gifted abilities and talents that You gave to us. May we identify them and make a conscience effort to use everything at our disposal to further the love the Christ. That love is what sets captives free from the 'broken' areas of life. Amen
My new friend is able to process the situation in her life. She no longer fears what her future holds. She has prayed with me and God has reached down and kissed her heart and soul. We actually had a few minutes to share dreams and hopes. We stood and embraced and I bid her farewell. She was headed back to civilization and I was continuing on my trek. I think I have a few more days before the climb starts. I'm ready with a new found purpose. I'm thriled at what new is on the horizon.
Makes me think that God is equally happy with us when we excel at something that He gifted us to do. When we use our natural unique talents and abilities to further the kingdom it makes our purpose complete.
Lord, we are so thankful that we have spiritually gifted abilities and talents that You gave to us. May we identify them and make a conscience effort to use everything at our disposal to further the love the Christ. That love is what sets captives free from the 'broken' areas of life. Amen
My new friend is able to process the situation in her life. She no longer fears what her future holds. She has prayed with me and God has reached down and kissed her heart and soul. We actually had a few minutes to share dreams and hopes. We stood and embraced and I bid her farewell. She was headed back to civilization and I was continuing on my trek. I think I have a few more days before the climb starts. I'm ready with a new found purpose. I'm thriled at what new is on the horizon.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Day 102 - Satisfaction
All in a days work is a great saying but along with doing the work is feeling completely satisfied. Somedays work seems like work. Other days work is rewarding, full of satisfaction. I get the later more often than the former because I love what I do. My chosen career field of dentistry has been my passion for over thirty years.
Do you work and find satisfaction or are you just getting by each day, collecting a paycheck and then doing it all over again the next day? I implore you to find something you are passionate about and do that so work becomes enjoyment.
Lord, help my readers to find fulfillment in what they do. May our jobs be areas of ministry and bring peace into our lives. Amen
So as my friend and I sit visiting about her situation there is a moment when she is fearful of the outcome. The more we talk the less fear plays a part and the more the love of Christ shines. It is a great comfort to know that even in turmoil the beauty of the gospel helps in difficult situations. The satisfaction of letting God reign is indescribable.
Do you work and find satisfaction or are you just getting by each day, collecting a paycheck and then doing it all over again the next day? I implore you to find something you are passionate about and do that so work becomes enjoyment.
Lord, help my readers to find fulfillment in what they do. May our jobs be areas of ministry and bring peace into our lives. Amen
So as my friend and I sit visiting about her situation there is a moment when she is fearful of the outcome. The more we talk the less fear plays a part and the more the love of Christ shines. It is a great comfort to know that even in turmoil the beauty of the gospel helps in difficult situations. The satisfaction of letting God reign is indescribable.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Day 101 - Decisions
You don't always know the exact course you will travel in life. You will have times along the way to make decisions. Some may be small and hold little significance. Others are hard to make and can take your life on an entirely different course. Some are easy and some require bold moves. I'm in that hard situation right now.
In my life I have developed passions and most involve my faith and my profession. A few incorporate both. I'm in a combo right now and all I can do is trust God that the decision I make is His will for me and that He will make reasoning sense to me of it all.
Lord, I have chosen to submit my will to Yours. I am faithfully progressing in an avenue I sense is Your direction. Please help me to walk out faith. I trust You completely. Amen
So as I sat down beside the crying young lady. I put my arm around her shoulder. I looked her in the eyes and said, "I know how you are feeling. I, too, have been hurt by infidelity. It is hard knowing that another person will be hurt by the actions of your spouse. The rejection is huge, the pain is real and the agony about what you know about another couple is tearing at your heart. The decision you make here and what you do is huge. Let's not move until you are confident to have done two things. Number one, you have to offer the sacrifice of forgiveness and then you have to ask God for His wisdom on your next move. Can you do that?" Through her tears she shook her head yes. We both bowed our heads and I began to pray.
In my life I have developed passions and most involve my faith and my profession. A few incorporate both. I'm in a combo right now and all I can do is trust God that the decision I make is His will for me and that He will make reasoning sense to me of it all.
Lord, I have chosen to submit my will to Yours. I am faithfully progressing in an avenue I sense is Your direction. Please help me to walk out faith. I trust You completely. Amen
So as I sat down beside the crying young lady. I put my arm around her shoulder. I looked her in the eyes and said, "I know how you are feeling. I, too, have been hurt by infidelity. It is hard knowing that another person will be hurt by the actions of your spouse. The rejection is huge, the pain is real and the agony about what you know about another couple is tearing at your heart. The decision you make here and what you do is huge. Let's not move until you are confident to have done two things. Number one, you have to offer the sacrifice of forgiveness and then you have to ask God for His wisdom on your next move. Can you do that?" Through her tears she shook her head yes. We both bowed our heads and I began to pray.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Day 100 - Forgiveness
So sorry for yesterdays "twitter" blog but my day had about expired before I could get to my computer. All day yesterday I have been in deep thought about God's further stirring on the topic of forgiveness. In a nutshell here it is: Forgiveness is the key to unlocking forward movement in God's plan for your life.
Let's face it we all have had people that have done something to us. Whether it is a hurt so deep you can't stand it, a betrayal that has left you shell shocked, an abandonment that caused you severe pain, or you name it....we have all had them. Some of us have had all the above, multiple times. In this life we were promised trouble. But God has the way out and it is forgiveness.
Now before you scream, "Well she doesn't know what I have been through," I want to ask your indulgence to this blog. I know you think, "There is no way I can forgive _____ for _____." I will tell you that is exactly what the enemy is banking on. Because the only person that attitude hurts, holds hostage, harrassess is .....you. I know. I have been there. I have suffered rejection, betrayal, abandonment, and then I have had to suffer the loss of two marriages for infidelity, death of a child, children with medical conditions that looked to rob them of a normal life. I could go on and on. If there was ever someone that "had a justified right" to be over it all, it was me. What have I done in the face of it all? I have taken God at His Word, placed all my life, hopes and dreams into His hands and decided to take those things the enemy meant for my destruction and turn them for good.
I'm not saying that in the pain of the event I didn't mourn, grieve, feel violated, got hositle, etc. On the contrary. I walked out the emotion but then turned that energy into making sure others that had similar expereinces knew there was one who understands in the natural, me and one who understands even better in the spiritual, God. I have devoted my energy to taking the wastelands of people's lives and showing them how to make victorious situations that speak life. Is it easy? No it is not. Is it able to be done? In our strength, no. But in God's, YES!
Lord, I ask that as my readers search their hearts for those situations that are eating them up because they have not walked out forgiveness that today they take the first step. That step being to make a conscience decision of their will, submit that will to God and say out loud, "I forgive _______ for _______." Whether there is feeling there or not the first step has been taken. Our will to forgive is submitted to Your will and the rest is up to You, God. Amen
So as I start hiking today after leaving the cooling refreshing pool and waterfall I am pronouncing forgiveness. I'm naming people, events, situations. I'm giving to all to God so that He can take care of it. The burden of the issue is no longer on my shoulders. I can walk in His victory.
I round the first corner and see a young lady crying by the path. I stopped and asked, "Hi, do you need help?" Her reply, "Yes, I came out here to hike and clear my head. My husband is having an affair with his best friends wife. I work with his friend and he has no idea. I don't know what to do." I think to myself, been there. It is time to kick into gear. God has another one for me to help.
Let's face it we all have had people that have done something to us. Whether it is a hurt so deep you can't stand it, a betrayal that has left you shell shocked, an abandonment that caused you severe pain, or you name it....we have all had them. Some of us have had all the above, multiple times. In this life we were promised trouble. But God has the way out and it is forgiveness.
Now before you scream, "Well she doesn't know what I have been through," I want to ask your indulgence to this blog. I know you think, "There is no way I can forgive _____ for _____." I will tell you that is exactly what the enemy is banking on. Because the only person that attitude hurts, holds hostage, harrassess is .....you. I know. I have been there. I have suffered rejection, betrayal, abandonment, and then I have had to suffer the loss of two marriages for infidelity, death of a child, children with medical conditions that looked to rob them of a normal life. I could go on and on. If there was ever someone that "had a justified right" to be over it all, it was me. What have I done in the face of it all? I have taken God at His Word, placed all my life, hopes and dreams into His hands and decided to take those things the enemy meant for my destruction and turn them for good.
I'm not saying that in the pain of the event I didn't mourn, grieve, feel violated, got hositle, etc. On the contrary. I walked out the emotion but then turned that energy into making sure others that had similar expereinces knew there was one who understands in the natural, me and one who understands even better in the spiritual, God. I have devoted my energy to taking the wastelands of people's lives and showing them how to make victorious situations that speak life. Is it easy? No it is not. Is it able to be done? In our strength, no. But in God's, YES!
Lord, I ask that as my readers search their hearts for those situations that are eating them up because they have not walked out forgiveness that today they take the first step. That step being to make a conscience decision of their will, submit that will to God and say out loud, "I forgive _______ for _______." Whether there is feeling there or not the first step has been taken. Our will to forgive is submitted to Your will and the rest is up to You, God. Amen
So as I start hiking today after leaving the cooling refreshing pool and waterfall I am pronouncing forgiveness. I'm naming people, events, situations. I'm giving to all to God so that He can take care of it. The burden of the issue is no longer on my shoulders. I can walk in His victory.
I round the first corner and see a young lady crying by the path. I stopped and asked, "Hi, do you need help?" Her reply, "Yes, I came out here to hike and clear my head. My husband is having an affair with his best friends wife. I work with his friend and he has no idea. I don't know what to do." I think to myself, been there. It is time to kick into gear. God has another one for me to help.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Day 99 - Too Late
I wanted to post before midnight to keep my once a day blog going. This is all I have to say today. More tomorrow.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Day 98 - Submitting Our Will
I love Sunday's. I have never been at a church where I get feed as much truth and life skills as I do now. We are in the process of studying The Lord's Prayer. Today was about praying and receiving. Part of having the petitions from God involve a simple thing; submitting our will to His will. I have heard this many times but never put in relation with petition of my desires/requests.
"Not my will but thine be done" paraphrased here, we heard this spoken by Jesus in the garden before his death. Doesn't it stand to reason that if Jesus had to submit His will to the Father in order to advance the Kingdom, we should also? The key to having the petitions of our heart is to make sure we align our will, make a conscience decision to submit that will to God. Since God only has our best interest in store for us we can't ever lose making our will in harmony with God's will for the world.
Lord, I am pleased to submit my will to you because I know you fashion eveything for my benefit. I pray that your kingdom come and be ever increasing in my life and in the world at large. Amen
My rest at the waters edge has been very beneficial. I have been refreshed and rejuvenated. I am commited to walk where He leads and be available for service. As I withdrew my feet from the cool pool I laid back staring up at the clouds overhead. Praying The Lord's Prayer I stop and ponder "on earth as it is in Heaven." How wonderful for this earth to be like Heaven. It isn't but if each of us do our part we can have some of that Heaven here. I'm eager to be totally healed, in service with my talents and living the kingdom on earth. Praise the Lord and thank You for teaching us how to pray.
"Not my will but thine be done" paraphrased here, we heard this spoken by Jesus in the garden before his death. Doesn't it stand to reason that if Jesus had to submit His will to the Father in order to advance the Kingdom, we should also? The key to having the petitions of our heart is to make sure we align our will, make a conscience decision to submit that will to God. Since God only has our best interest in store for us we can't ever lose making our will in harmony with God's will for the world.
Lord, I am pleased to submit my will to you because I know you fashion eveything for my benefit. I pray that your kingdom come and be ever increasing in my life and in the world at large. Amen
My rest at the waters edge has been very beneficial. I have been refreshed and rejuvenated. I am commited to walk where He leads and be available for service. As I withdrew my feet from the cool pool I laid back staring up at the clouds overhead. Praying The Lord's Prayer I stop and ponder "on earth as it is in Heaven." How wonderful for this earth to be like Heaven. It isn't but if each of us do our part we can have some of that Heaven here. I'm eager to be totally healed, in service with my talents and living the kingdom on earth. Praise the Lord and thank You for teaching us how to pray.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Day 97 - Lazy Day
It is Saturday. I slept in a bit but then it was time to get ready for a few things on the calendar. I wish I could say that I felt rested today but with errands and the hours zooming by, rest was not on the agenda.
Have you ever wondered about restful days? Do you get any? Even God took one a week. Might be that for us we need it even more?
Lord, help us to know that we can't keep the rat race going without taking a rest. We need to recharge, refresh, relax. Amen
So as I sat by the edge of the pool beneath this waterfall I looked as the water trickling through my toes. It was a comfortable spot and I was just fine sitting and resting until I knew the Lord wanted me up and going again. The most refreshing I have felt in many days. The is absolute peace, tranquil, bliss.
Have you ever wondered about restful days? Do you get any? Even God took one a week. Might be that for us we need it even more?
Lord, help us to know that we can't keep the rat race going without taking a rest. We need to recharge, refresh, relax. Amen
So as I sat by the edge of the pool beneath this waterfall I looked as the water trickling through my toes. It was a comfortable spot and I was just fine sitting and resting until I knew the Lord wanted me up and going again. The most refreshing I have felt in many days. The is absolute peace, tranquil, bliss.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Day 96 - It takes Two
My husband and I have been discussing some business ventures. Both of us have entrepreneur hearts and have been praying over what to do for retirement. I have had a few ideas that I think hold extremely good predictables. Having prayed and continuing to listen and watch for openings God is preparing we are moving forward. I am excited at what lies ahead.
Have you ever been really excited for what the future holds? Even though we are not perfect and healed 'broken' people, God is very capable to use what we give to Him. It is very important to hold up our entire lives for God to do with as He will. Even more He is very capable to take things we thought were ruins and use those for great benefit.
Lord, please search all of our hearts and give us courage to walk in what You design for us. I want 'broken' areas to bring power to all of us and then used to help others come to wholeness. Amen
So as I approached the waters edge I looked toward the waterfall cascading down the back side of the ridge I just descended. It was captivating. I could have stood there indefinitely. More breathtaking though was the pool of water at the base. It was crystal clear. I was stunned at how pure it was. It was like nothing had touched this pure stream. I slowly approached the pool. I removed my boots and socks. Took the liberty to dangle my feet in the pool. The coolness caused a tingling in my very tired legs. I closed my eyes, thankful for this refreshing pause in my journey. Wash me Lord. Bring more healing. Praise You for everything in my life.
Have you ever been really excited for what the future holds? Even though we are not perfect and healed 'broken' people, God is very capable to use what we give to Him. It is very important to hold up our entire lives for God to do with as He will. Even more He is very capable to take things we thought were ruins and use those for great benefit.
Lord, please search all of our hearts and give us courage to walk in what You design for us. I want 'broken' areas to bring power to all of us and then used to help others come to wholeness. Amen
So as I approached the waters edge I looked toward the waterfall cascading down the back side of the ridge I just descended. It was captivating. I could have stood there indefinitely. More breathtaking though was the pool of water at the base. It was crystal clear. I was stunned at how pure it was. It was like nothing had touched this pure stream. I slowly approached the pool. I removed my boots and socks. Took the liberty to dangle my feet in the pool. The coolness caused a tingling in my very tired legs. I closed my eyes, thankful for this refreshing pause in my journey. Wash me Lord. Bring more healing. Praise You for everything in my life.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Day 95 - Back to Passion
I had a chance to visit with a co-worker today about the direction of our company. We both share a huge passion for our profession and it is heard loud and clear in the initiatives, goals, and projects we discuss. Unfortunately we are neither one in a position to make the changes we would like to see happen. This can lead to frustration. Taking emotion out of it and continuing forward is the challenge. It is hard to watch 'broken' things professionally, have the years of experience to bring great ideas and resolutions, but then not invited to the bargaining table.
So what do you do when you see things that need changed? Are you a visionary that can see things needed for improvement? How do resolve changes you can't make?
Even in our spiritual life we have those things that need addressed. The 'broken' areas. It is what this blog is all about. Take charge, make changes, move forward with passion and purpose.
Lord, help us all to move forward in the path You have chosen for us. Thank you for the passions we know are gifts from You. May we be found favorably acting and living with all the talents at our disposal.
Arriving at the mountain base I can see a very smooth trail leading into a grassy area. It is refreshing. Just ahead past the clearing is a water source. It will be nice to rest, regenerate and relax. It will be a great time to plan for the ensuing portion of the journey.
So what do you do when you see things that need changed? Are you a visionary that can see things needed for improvement? How do resolve changes you can't make?
Even in our spiritual life we have those things that need addressed. The 'broken' areas. It is what this blog is all about. Take charge, make changes, move forward with passion and purpose.
Lord, help us all to move forward in the path You have chosen for us. Thank you for the passions we know are gifts from You. May we be found favorably acting and living with all the talents at our disposal.
Arriving at the mountain base I can see a very smooth trail leading into a grassy area. It is refreshing. Just ahead past the clearing is a water source. It will be nice to rest, regenerate and relax. It will be a great time to plan for the ensuing portion of the journey.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Day 94 - The Fall
Ever did someting and wish you could have a do over? Yep, we all have. It happened to me today.
I was at an office doing some training. When we completed, the office staff started putting the furniture back in its normal position. I had to turn off my equipment so I decided to sit back down and do it. Only problem....they had moved the chair I was sitting in. You can picture the rest. I went tumbling onto the floor and in not a graceful manner. It all happened so fast I don't know what hurt more my physical body or my pride. I felt dumb and wanted to go back and do that over.
The great thing about our spiritual life is that when we make mistakes God is gracious to allow us to do over, and over, and over. He longs for us to keep trying. If we fall it matters that we get back up and keep going.
Lord, help the pain in my physical body but also help me recover from feeling awful that it happened. Keep me and my readers in your safe protection and when we stumble and fall, even literally, we know we can get back up and keep going. Amen
So as I am about to the base of this mountain path my toe caught a rut and sent me tumbling, end over end. When I finally landed I could tell that nothing was broken, but bruises would appear for sure. I sat for a minute, bowed my head and asked the Lord for his healing and strength. I must remember to watch my step and be caeful. I slowly rose to my feet, dusted myself off and keep moving. We rise and fall but we keep moving forward.
I was at an office doing some training. When we completed, the office staff started putting the furniture back in its normal position. I had to turn off my equipment so I decided to sit back down and do it. Only problem....they had moved the chair I was sitting in. You can picture the rest. I went tumbling onto the floor and in not a graceful manner. It all happened so fast I don't know what hurt more my physical body or my pride. I felt dumb and wanted to go back and do that over.
The great thing about our spiritual life is that when we make mistakes God is gracious to allow us to do over, and over, and over. He longs for us to keep trying. If we fall it matters that we get back up and keep going.
Lord, help the pain in my physical body but also help me recover from feeling awful that it happened. Keep me and my readers in your safe protection and when we stumble and fall, even literally, we know we can get back up and keep going. Amen
So as I am about to the base of this mountain path my toe caught a rut and sent me tumbling, end over end. When I finally landed I could tell that nothing was broken, but bruises would appear for sure. I sat for a minute, bowed my head and asked the Lord for his healing and strength. I must remember to watch my step and be caeful. I slowly rose to my feet, dusted myself off and keep moving. We rise and fall but we keep moving forward.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Day 93 - Start Small
Today it finally dawned on me that one of my problems is forgetting that I need to concentrate on starting small. I get an idea and worry too much about how to do this big thing. Instead I should be focused on getting it started, ever so small, and then it will grow as God intends.
This is a huge weight off of me. It allows me to begin to formulate some ideas and concentrate on the smaller populous and singular task. I know there is scripture that speaks to not despising small beginnings. Whew! I'm ready now.
Lord, it is a welcome relief to hear Your voice encouraging me to just begin where I'm at and leave the growth to You. I know we can get to caught up in how this thing or that thing is supposed to be over the long term and forget that we need to just start...slow, small, correctly. Amen
So as I descend even further I am energized at the next path ahead. I have some direction now and I am going to be obedient to step one foot at a time and do what I hear the Lord telling me to do. It is all the way with Jesus or no way at all. Here I come.
This is a huge weight off of me. It allows me to begin to formulate some ideas and concentrate on the smaller populous and singular task. I know there is scripture that speaks to not despising small beginnings. Whew! I'm ready now.
Lord, it is a welcome relief to hear Your voice encouraging me to just begin where I'm at and leave the growth to You. I know we can get to caught up in how this thing or that thing is supposed to be over the long term and forget that we need to just start...slow, small, correctly. Amen
So as I descend even further I am energized at the next path ahead. I have some direction now and I am going to be obedient to step one foot at a time and do what I hear the Lord telling me to do. It is all the way with Jesus or no way at all. Here I come.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Day 92 - A New Thing
Today I was in my car for work over eight hours. It was one long, exhausting day. I don't know if you are like me but I find it hard to think correctly when I am tired. When I got home I just wanted to rest and then felt guilty that I should be doing something.
I have given more and more thought to what I should do about the many ideas floating in my mind. I am never at a lack for ideas, many of them good. Just need to know which one to focus on. I know I have talked about this in another blog but feel it is really important if everyone gets pinpointed what they should do and then sets out to do it.
For now it is time for more prayer and then waiting to hear God speak. This has to be the ultimate goal of everyone if we are going to live truly blessed and happy.
Lord, please bring more clarity to myself and my readers as we narrow in on what should be the focus of our life. There are tons of things in the world screaming at us for our attention. It is critical to hone in on Your plan for us. Amen
Hiking down a mountain never seemed so much fun. The breeze was soothing and the pep in my step was exhilarating. I know that some neat things lie ahead and so I am watching for a new adventure. I know that surrounding the new thing will be healing for a 'broken' old thing. That is fine with me. The Lord is near so it will be alright.
I have given more and more thought to what I should do about the many ideas floating in my mind. I am never at a lack for ideas, many of them good. Just need to know which one to focus on. I know I have talked about this in another blog but feel it is really important if everyone gets pinpointed what they should do and then sets out to do it.
For now it is time for more prayer and then waiting to hear God speak. This has to be the ultimate goal of everyone if we are going to live truly blessed and happy.
Lord, please bring more clarity to myself and my readers as we narrow in on what should be the focus of our life. There are tons of things in the world screaming at us for our attention. It is critical to hone in on Your plan for us. Amen
Hiking down a mountain never seemed so much fun. The breeze was soothing and the pep in my step was exhilarating. I know that some neat things lie ahead and so I am watching for a new adventure. I know that surrounding the new thing will be healing for a 'broken' old thing. That is fine with me. The Lord is near so it will be alright.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Day 91 - Big News
I'm pregnant! Before several of my family and friends freak out, not in the traditional sense. Over the next nine months, and the final portion of this blog, I'm going to deliver 50 pounds.
As I mentioned a week ago, one of my 'broken' areas involved my weight. There is no way I could complete this year and be healed without addressing something that occupies much of my attention. I have gained and lost over the years, watched family gain and lose. I have talked about excuses, reasoned why not and then retreated to myself; miserable, unhealthy, sick and tired of where I am.
So today it changes. 210.8, yep I said it. My goal: 158. It is not an unrealistic goal. 52.8 pounds to be exact in 36 weeks. 1.46 pounds per week. Very achievabe and now I'm held accountable....by you, my readers. How am I doing it? PA LE O. Why Paleo? Because I know that carbs in the form of grains are like poison to my body. When I eat them, I crave them. I can never get enough. I'm also erasing soda from my beverage acceptable list. My water consumption is going to increase. Lastly....walking, walking, walking. When I feel ready to add other forms of exercise I will but first it is beating the street.
Don't worry I am not turning my blog into a daily meal recitation and exercise log. I will update on Sunday only, weigh in day. Please pray for me. Please join me if you feel God leading you. I want to hear from you so we can encourage each other.
Lord, I thank you that in my process and that of my readers one of the most 'broken' areas we face is when our body weight gets out of proportion. It not only affects our health but our emoitonal self esteem. Today I give You in totality my body and ask You to guide me, strengthen me and reward me as I exercise discipline. Amen
Climbing the first ridge of this mountain range was a challenge both physically and emotionally. Now as I am descending the going gets a bit easier. But before me is the next range, higher, steeper. My stamina is going to improve as I physically transform. Bring it on.
As I mentioned a week ago, one of my 'broken' areas involved my weight. There is no way I could complete this year and be healed without addressing something that occupies much of my attention. I have gained and lost over the years, watched family gain and lose. I have talked about excuses, reasoned why not and then retreated to myself; miserable, unhealthy, sick and tired of where I am.
So today it changes. 210.8, yep I said it. My goal: 158. It is not an unrealistic goal. 52.8 pounds to be exact in 36 weeks. 1.46 pounds per week. Very achievabe and now I'm held accountable....by you, my readers. How am I doing it? PA LE O. Why Paleo? Because I know that carbs in the form of grains are like poison to my body. When I eat them, I crave them. I can never get enough. I'm also erasing soda from my beverage acceptable list. My water consumption is going to increase. Lastly....walking, walking, walking. When I feel ready to add other forms of exercise I will but first it is beating the street.
Don't worry I am not turning my blog into a daily meal recitation and exercise log. I will update on Sunday only, weigh in day. Please pray for me. Please join me if you feel God leading you. I want to hear from you so we can encourage each other.
Lord, I thank you that in my process and that of my readers one of the most 'broken' areas we face is when our body weight gets out of proportion. It not only affects our health but our emoitonal self esteem. Today I give You in totality my body and ask You to guide me, strengthen me and reward me as I exercise discipline. Amen
Climbing the first ridge of this mountain range was a challenge both physically and emotionally. Now as I am descending the going gets a bit easier. But before me is the next range, higher, steeper. My stamina is going to improve as I physically transform. Bring it on.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Day 90 - The River
Went today to the membership class at Gateway. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, God directed many of our friends here ten years ago. Ken and I have 'wandered' but finally arrived. Now it is time to join and jump in the river. It was too funny that the analogy they used today was 'The River' in terms of how to be empowered by the Holy Spirit.
Celebrating the first quarter of my blog I am thrilled at where this blog has taken me and look forward to the next three quarters of where I am headed. I don't want my readers to get the impression that some of the things I write about are new to me. Many 'broken' areas have been painfully obvious, prayed over, thought were settled, etc. Now I am getting God's perspective on the why, and getting to absolute health to be able to move further and deeper with Him.
I've known for a long time what my God gifted talents and abilities are. Sometimes they feel like a curse. I don't mean literal curse. For those of you, like me, aware God made you a "mouth" in the body you know it's a blessing and sometimes not. For me when you combine the fact that I have a mouth and I hate injustice it is the perfect storm for disaster if not tempered by the Holy Spirit. I have to stay subjected to Him AT ALL TIMES. Now keeping it real, that has not always been the case. My mouth can and has gotten me in trouble, can I get an Amen?
Lord, thank you, sincerely thank you for gifting me and my readers with everything we need to minister as you designed us. Human to human, relational, and meant for showing tons of grace, mercy and love. Steer us onto the correct path and show us opportunities for even more of You. Amen
The climb today was majestic! I arrived at a plateau and the scenery again....breathtaking. Before me I could see a very lush valley. I am quick to know that growth takes place there. Adversity is likely to be encountered. There is no way to the next range of peaks without going down and through. I know that God is with me and I can face the 'broken' part He wants to touch next.
From here I see a few paths leading on. What is even more spectacular is the waterfall I see to my right. It crashes into a huge river which disappears into the valley. I linger long enough to watch the beauty of the water, the force as it carves gullies in the earth. It is a refreshing sight. I'm ready. I'm descending. I'm going with God. I am thankful for everything I've encountered so far and know that better stuff lies ahead. I won't need wadders when I reach the rivers edge. I'm jumping in. I go where it flows.
Celebrating the first quarter of my blog I am thrilled at where this blog has taken me and look forward to the next three quarters of where I am headed. I don't want my readers to get the impression that some of the things I write about are new to me. Many 'broken' areas have been painfully obvious, prayed over, thought were settled, etc. Now I am getting God's perspective on the why, and getting to absolute health to be able to move further and deeper with Him.
I've known for a long time what my God gifted talents and abilities are. Sometimes they feel like a curse. I don't mean literal curse. For those of you, like me, aware God made you a "mouth" in the body you know it's a blessing and sometimes not. For me when you combine the fact that I have a mouth and I hate injustice it is the perfect storm for disaster if not tempered by the Holy Spirit. I have to stay subjected to Him AT ALL TIMES. Now keeping it real, that has not always been the case. My mouth can and has gotten me in trouble, can I get an Amen?
Lord, thank you, sincerely thank you for gifting me and my readers with everything we need to minister as you designed us. Human to human, relational, and meant for showing tons of grace, mercy and love. Steer us onto the correct path and show us opportunities for even more of You. Amen
The climb today was majestic! I arrived at a plateau and the scenery again....breathtaking. Before me I could see a very lush valley. I am quick to know that growth takes place there. Adversity is likely to be encountered. There is no way to the next range of peaks without going down and through. I know that God is with me and I can face the 'broken' part He wants to touch next.
From here I see a few paths leading on. What is even more spectacular is the waterfall I see to my right. It crashes into a huge river which disappears into the valley. I linger long enough to watch the beauty of the water, the force as it carves gullies in the earth. It is a refreshing sight. I'm ready. I'm descending. I'm going with God. I am thankful for everything I've encountered so far and know that better stuff lies ahead. I won't need wadders when I reach the rivers edge. I'm jumping in. I go where it flows.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Day 89 - What God, what?
Learning to 'wait' on the Lord is hard for me. I trust Him with every area of my life and only want what He desires for me. The problem is that I want to know, right now. I have so many ideas in my head and they are all good. I just don't know which one to focus on or if any of them are what God wants for me. I keep thinking that the older I get the less time I have to 'do' anything of substantial outcome.
Does that sound like anything you have asked yourself? Have you thought in the quiet time whether God is listening or doing anything for you? I know from expereince that His timing is everything, He has great things for us and that our gifts and talents will be used.
So the best thing to do is relax, rest and wait for Him. Wait for clear direction. Wait for the perfect plan. When your passion and purpose is realized everything will make sense. You will comment, "that was perfect timing."
Lord, help us all rest in you. Help me when I get anxious because I can't feel or know what you are doing. I know that you are working for me. Amen
So while I am climbing this mountain trail I am excited to be taking my time. I know God has my hearts desire in His hands and getting things healed is part of that plan. Learning to wait patiently is the plan.
Does that sound like anything you have asked yourself? Have you thought in the quiet time whether God is listening or doing anything for you? I know from expereince that His timing is everything, He has great things for us and that our gifts and talents will be used.
So the best thing to do is relax, rest and wait for Him. Wait for clear direction. Wait for the perfect plan. When your passion and purpose is realized everything will make sense. You will comment, "that was perfect timing."
Lord, help us all rest in you. Help me when I get anxious because I can't feel or know what you are doing. I know that you are working for me. Amen
So while I am climbing this mountain trail I am excited to be taking my time. I know God has my hearts desire in His hands and getting things healed is part of that plan. Learning to wait patiently is the plan.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Day 88 - Cooler Weather
It is really becoming Fall. You can feel it in the cooler temperatures and signs as people decorate their homes. I love the harvest decor and anything that feels "Thanksgiving."
What I don't like is the foolish holiday we celebrate in October. Let's face it, I am the Scrooge of Halloween. I don't participate, hate the whole tons of money spent on costuming and then there is all that sugary candy. Yuk and double yuk.
How about you? I know that watching cute kids in costumes is supposed to be fun but when those costumes become blood and gore or horrifying I draw the line. A day to worship evil is what I call it. Not for me and won't ever be for my children.
Lord, I live to get past this month every year. I don't like the evil that many people portray in the name of Halloween. Help us to remember that there is a real evil in the world, Satan. There is nothing funny or cute about him or his host of evil doers. I thank you that we can celebrate Fall and the coming Thanksgiving holiday as a time of bounty, friends and family, and gratitude. Amen
So as I am trekking the path and the higher altitude brings cooler weather I am reminded of God's creative power. Seasons are how we turn through life. The crisp air is welcoming as the climb gets a bit steep. I am going to take this part, slowly. It is all about the journey anyway. I am in no race to get anywhere. I want to enjoy every minute as God heals and restores me.
What I don't like is the foolish holiday we celebrate in October. Let's face it, I am the Scrooge of Halloween. I don't participate, hate the whole tons of money spent on costuming and then there is all that sugary candy. Yuk and double yuk.
How about you? I know that watching cute kids in costumes is supposed to be fun but when those costumes become blood and gore or horrifying I draw the line. A day to worship evil is what I call it. Not for me and won't ever be for my children.
Lord, I live to get past this month every year. I don't like the evil that many people portray in the name of Halloween. Help us to remember that there is a real evil in the world, Satan. There is nothing funny or cute about him or his host of evil doers. I thank you that we can celebrate Fall and the coming Thanksgiving holiday as a time of bounty, friends and family, and gratitude. Amen
So as I am trekking the path and the higher altitude brings cooler weather I am reminded of God's creative power. Seasons are how we turn through life. The crisp air is welcoming as the climb gets a bit steep. I am going to take this part, slowly. It is all about the journey anyway. I am in no race to get anywhere. I want to enjoy every minute as God heals and restores me.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Day 87 - Who you are
Well today I happened to pull up behind a vehicle that had twenty-four stickers on the back window and panels. I had time to scan them enough to get a flavor for who was the owner. They loved animals, Obama and mother earth. It was an eclectic variety. I would have guessed the owner to be a young person, say mid twenties. Nope the driver was an elderly lady who could barely see over the steering wheel.
It got me thinking though. Outward verbal expressions do speak for you. They let others into your head and allow for assumptions about your personality to be formed. This can be good or bad. If you are a bumper stick fan or those other emblems I hope you are conveying your heart. Better yet, how about nothing and just say what you mean and mean what you say.
I have a huge problem with Christians when they are so far as to put the Jesus fish symbol or the Darwin getting eaten symbol on their car. Then there are tons of us who wear crosses and some are bigger than a dinner plate. How about those WWJD bracelets? All of it doesn't mean a thing if your life can't back it up.
Lord, help us all to speak our heart and then set a great example for the world to see. May we not get caught up in signage and instead let Your light be shown through us by actions. Amen
I think it is time to begin my trek again. It has been emotionally draining here by the stump but I know God is working some deep issues to His satisfaction. I am yielded for that and obedient to continue the healing process. I wait before leaving to mentally capture the picture of this place. It is so peaceful. The calm in the air is wonderful. I know it will get harder as I go on but I've learned to take it one step at a time. I'm reminded of my favorite scripture in Psalm 37:4-5, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Him and He will direct your path." Thank God I have a great navigator.
It got me thinking though. Outward verbal expressions do speak for you. They let others into your head and allow for assumptions about your personality to be formed. This can be good or bad. If you are a bumper stick fan or those other emblems I hope you are conveying your heart. Better yet, how about nothing and just say what you mean and mean what you say.
I have a huge problem with Christians when they are so far as to put the Jesus fish symbol or the Darwin getting eaten symbol on their car. Then there are tons of us who wear crosses and some are bigger than a dinner plate. How about those WWJD bracelets? All of it doesn't mean a thing if your life can't back it up.
Lord, help us all to speak our heart and then set a great example for the world to see. May we not get caught up in signage and instead let Your light be shown through us by actions. Amen
I think it is time to begin my trek again. It has been emotionally draining here by the stump but I know God is working some deep issues to His satisfaction. I am yielded for that and obedient to continue the healing process. I wait before leaving to mentally capture the picture of this place. It is so peaceful. The calm in the air is wonderful. I know it will get harder as I go on but I've learned to take it one step at a time. I'm reminded of my favorite scripture in Psalm 37:4-5, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Him and He will direct your path." Thank God I have a great navigator.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Day 86 - Dysfunctional
Today I made plans for our Thanksgiving trip north to visit friends and family. The first part, visiting friends, will be fun and I'm excited to see them. The later part, visiting family, has its challenges.
Are you part of a dysfunctional family? Most people are in one way or another. I'm not talking about your own inabilities to parent correctly in your eyes. I'm talking about the family dynamics. They are just plain crazy.
I'll share first. You can think though yours. If this topic doesn't fit you, praise the Lord and I am very happy for you. But for the rest of us, here we go.
My father and mother may have liked each other at one point but I truly believe they were never in love. Why I believe that, no display of affection AT ALL, EVER! As a matter of fact, hostility on over drive, oh yes. Then you add to lovelessness, me and my two younger (boy) siblings. Each of us in our own way compartmentalized our rearing and have carried that lovelessness into our marriage(s). To date the five us speak very infrequently and outsiders are all too quick to offer advice and opinions on who is at fault. Guess what? Doesn't help make the situation any better.
I've tried in the past writing letters to my parents trying to explain. Where does that get me? More critical judgement from one and emotional tears and drama from the other. It is sad that at age fifty-seven I am still trying to gain love, respect and affirmation from both of them. Even more sad is that before they die I pray that they can see me and my brothers for what we are. Their children. Take some ownership for their behavior and extend apologies to us. The likelihood of that happening, slim. But I believe that as long as I am praying, hope does prevail.
I looked up the word honor in the dictionary. Here is what it says, "to hold in high respect." The Bible has many scriptures about honoring a few I have listed here for you to reference. Proverbs 20:20, Proverbs 23:22, Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3. I especially like the last one, Ephesians 6:1-3 because of the following verse 4, "fathers do not provoke your children to anger...."Seems that with respect and honoring, goes a dual instruction. I also see that honoring means "in the Lord." So what happens if your parents are not believers?
For most of my life I have showed honor to my parents. I have prayed for them, tried very hard to make them proud of me, lived a life that caused them no embarrassment, etc. It's just that when we are in each others presence the digs, jabs, emotional turmoil begins. Am I talking to anyone else? Can I see anyone nodding their heads?
Lord, please help all of us that suffer from family dysfunction. We know that You are not the author of this but that you do provide an answer. We honor You Lord as our ultimate Parent and give You the highest respect. Please help mend the hearts of many that are torn by the ravages of what has been experienced in their lives. Amen
So while I'm here, knelt at this stump my altar, I begin to not only feel peace in greater measure but joy returning. The dark memories of the past are that, the past. I'm not looking back but instead focusing on the tomorrow and with peace and joy, love will return. Love is the quint essential element to set the family right. It is the one thing our adversary doesn't understand. So we purpose to love those that hurt us and there by release God to deal with their hearts. Oh the freedom, sweet freedom love brings.
Are you part of a dysfunctional family? Most people are in one way or another. I'm not talking about your own inabilities to parent correctly in your eyes. I'm talking about the family dynamics. They are just plain crazy.
I'll share first. You can think though yours. If this topic doesn't fit you, praise the Lord and I am very happy for you. But for the rest of us, here we go.
My father and mother may have liked each other at one point but I truly believe they were never in love. Why I believe that, no display of affection AT ALL, EVER! As a matter of fact, hostility on over drive, oh yes. Then you add to lovelessness, me and my two younger (boy) siblings. Each of us in our own way compartmentalized our rearing and have carried that lovelessness into our marriage(s). To date the five us speak very infrequently and outsiders are all too quick to offer advice and opinions on who is at fault. Guess what? Doesn't help make the situation any better.
I've tried in the past writing letters to my parents trying to explain. Where does that get me? More critical judgement from one and emotional tears and drama from the other. It is sad that at age fifty-seven I am still trying to gain love, respect and affirmation from both of them. Even more sad is that before they die I pray that they can see me and my brothers for what we are. Their children. Take some ownership for their behavior and extend apologies to us. The likelihood of that happening, slim. But I believe that as long as I am praying, hope does prevail.
I looked up the word honor in the dictionary. Here is what it says, "to hold in high respect." The Bible has many scriptures about honoring a few I have listed here for you to reference. Proverbs 20:20, Proverbs 23:22, Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3. I especially like the last one, Ephesians 6:1-3 because of the following verse 4, "fathers do not provoke your children to anger...."Seems that with respect and honoring, goes a dual instruction. I also see that honoring means "in the Lord." So what happens if your parents are not believers?
For most of my life I have showed honor to my parents. I have prayed for them, tried very hard to make them proud of me, lived a life that caused them no embarrassment, etc. It's just that when we are in each others presence the digs, jabs, emotional turmoil begins. Am I talking to anyone else? Can I see anyone nodding their heads?
Lord, please help all of us that suffer from family dysfunction. We know that You are not the author of this but that you do provide an answer. We honor You Lord as our ultimate Parent and give You the highest respect. Please help mend the hearts of many that are torn by the ravages of what has been experienced in their lives. Amen
So while I'm here, knelt at this stump my altar, I begin to not only feel peace in greater measure but joy returning. The dark memories of the past are that, the past. I'm not looking back but instead focusing on the tomorrow and with peace and joy, love will return. Love is the quint essential element to set the family right. It is the one thing our adversary doesn't understand. So we purpose to love those that hurt us and there by release God to deal with their hearts. Oh the freedom, sweet freedom love brings.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Day 85 - Crashing Down
What in your life has come crashing down? Like the twin towers that fell in NY, September 2001, what has felt like that in your personal life? Something has gone wrong, someone has hurt you, events have unfolded that went out of control and fell like ruin at your feet. In the trauma of the situation you have cried out for help. Tears streaming down your cheeks and your voice only a whisper. You groan and plead for the ache to stop, the nightmare to be over, you may even question, "Why?"
The Bible promises us that there will be hardship in this life but He also ends that statement of doom and gloom with this, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 He tells us this so that in Him we will have peace. Peace when the bills can't get paid, peace when the spouse is unfaithful, peace when a love one dies, HIS PEACE. It surpasses our understanding. But IN HIM we can walk in peace and watch the ruin at our feet be turned for good. God takes those pieces of our history that seem devastating to reshape us, mold us into more of His image and then extend that same peace to others.
Lord, I ask that you search all of our hearts and find the wastelands. Things we have experienced or tucked so deep inside that no one can find, but You know each of them. Help us to draw them out and place them at Your feet. May we never have to be burdened with them again for your stripes took that burden. Help us to walk in a peace that the world can't understand and that even we don't comprehend. We just know it is You and You love us so much. Amen
So as I knelt praying on this mountain, about my past especially my parent wounds, I also found other things begin to bubble to the surface. I'm in His presence and this is time for the healing to begin for some things, continue forward for other things and for Him to speak direction for the purpose and plans for my "stuff." It is time to "be done with this stuff." No looking back, no letting the enemy play in my head. My mind, will and emotions (my soul) is consecrated to God. I'll leave this stump, this altar, when I am certain that I have purged completely and then been refilled by the Holy Spirit. Let peace begin to flow like a river in my life.
The Bible promises us that there will be hardship in this life but He also ends that statement of doom and gloom with this, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 He tells us this so that in Him we will have peace. Peace when the bills can't get paid, peace when the spouse is unfaithful, peace when a love one dies, HIS PEACE. It surpasses our understanding. But IN HIM we can walk in peace and watch the ruin at our feet be turned for good. God takes those pieces of our history that seem devastating to reshape us, mold us into more of His image and then extend that same peace to others.
Lord, I ask that you search all of our hearts and find the wastelands. Things we have experienced or tucked so deep inside that no one can find, but You know each of them. Help us to draw them out and place them at Your feet. May we never have to be burdened with them again for your stripes took that burden. Help us to walk in a peace that the world can't understand and that even we don't comprehend. We just know it is You and You love us so much. Amen
So as I knelt praying on this mountain, about my past especially my parent wounds, I also found other things begin to bubble to the surface. I'm in His presence and this is time for the healing to begin for some things, continue forward for other things and for Him to speak direction for the purpose and plans for my "stuff." It is time to "be done with this stuff." No looking back, no letting the enemy play in my head. My mind, will and emotions (my soul) is consecrated to God. I'll leave this stump, this altar, when I am certain that I have purged completely and then been refilled by the Holy Spirit. Let peace begin to flow like a river in my life.
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