As usual today's sermon at church was good food for the soul. Preaching on the Lord's Prayer we have arrived at Matthew 6:12, "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." The importance of forgiveness offered "freely," as we have been granted "freely," is the key to walking in right standing. God freely gives grace and forgiveness for ALL of our sins but yet we are not as quick to give freely to others. This allows for the torment of sin to encroach in our lives. It steals our peace, tears away joy, cause physical and emotional pain, just to name a few.
It reminds me of the weekend my son died of which I wrote about yesterday. Here is how it played out in my life that day after the news was delivered.
I boarded a flight from my home in Kansas to travel to Reno Medical Center in Nevada. Upon arrival the hospital staff was quick to greet me. Everyone extending condolences. A nurse told me that the three other Navy enlisted that were in the vehicle with my son, and who had escaped without serious injury, were wanting to see me. I had thought the request seemed odd but agreed to see them first before I was to be taken to the room where my son lay attached to life support. (He was only on life support long enough for me to get there and say my goodbyes and then he would be taken to the operating room for the organ harvesting.)
I approached the room, the nurse opening the door for me. Immediately three very emotionally shaken boys stood to attention. Military training. I gestured for them to please sit. I looked around at each of them who were glum, with down cast eyes and fidgeting. One boy spoke breaking the awkward silence. "Ma'am I am very sorry for what has happened. I don't know what to do." He was clearly searching for what to say when he was finally face to face with me. He could not bring himself to look at me. I am sure he had been in agony these past many hours since the wreck Saturday early morning and my arrival to the medical center on Sunday early afternoon. He must have rehearsed over and over what he would say and further what I would say or do to him.
I decided to end the awkwardness. I moved closer to him so I could get face to face and said, "Please son, I don't hold this against you. It could very easily have been my son who was driving the car. One of you had to be assertive enough to offer themselves as a mentally alert driver. The fact that you may have been and then into the drive you also became to sleepy to be operating the vehicle is unfortunate. It is a miracle that you all were not more seriously injured. Please don't beat yourself up over this as I am not angry. I only ask of you one thing." The boy who had been driving said, "Anything, what?" "I want you to never drive again if you lack sleep." All three boys nodded and each hugged me as they left the room.
I had no way of knowing at the time how this would impact them or myself. I am sure they thought I would arrive crying, screaming and heap loads of condemnation. After all my son was gone and they were for the most part only slightly injured and suffering. I was just offering the same forgiveness that I had been given by God and that which I hope any other mother would give my son had he been alive and sitting in that room. There is no way I would want the torment or a harsh emotional response on my part to ruin their lives for a mistake. We all make them. Some have devastating consequences and others less so. The point is unless you have practiced freely giving of grace, forgiveness, etc. you will not do so when the situation is in your face.
Lord, your compassion for us and how You transcend this life to grow us into images of Yourself is a precious thing to me. I want to always be found in You so my life is Your reflection. Amen
So I set off climbing the next steep section of path. I don't get very far and there is a huge bend. The way is narrow. Obviously only one person can traverse this. Single file. I am slow and methodical making sure to plant my foot, one foot then the other. I am watching my feet to make sure I don't stumble when I hear weeping. I can tell it is ahead of me but afraid to look up for fear of falling.
As I round the next curve I see a huge boulder. It looks supported enough to rest there. I sit and then see her. Lying on the ground beside the boulder. She is trembling. "Honey, how long have you been here?' I asked as she looked penetratingly into my eyes. It was suddenly clear she was thirsty. I removed my canteen and offered her a drink. She gulped down a few chugs and then said, "Several days I think. We came up here to hike for the day and my friend stumbled and fell. I tried to catch her but couldn't." I could see that this hiker had a broken leg. Limbs don't bend the way hers was positioned. Obviously this is why she had not moved.
I immediately scoured the area, no friend. "Where did she fall?" I was agitated to find this other person. "Behind me." She pointed over her head. All that was there was a huge ravine. I looked, nothing. I called out. No reply. "It's no use," she continued through her tears, "I watched the horrific event, her tumbling end over end, out of sight, her screams at first and then silence. I just know she's gone. I should never have encouraged her to come hiking here. She hates heights. She much prefers mild paths. I wanted her to have some adventure. I've killed her!"
She was getting louder and louder as she relayed the story to me. "Please don't hold yourself responsible. What if you had fallen. She would be here just as shaken as you." It made me feel good to help her calm down.
I reached for my cell phone and placed a call to the Ranger station. They were sending help and soon we would find out the fate of this hikers friend. Most importantly I was getting her to safety and to the medical help she needed.
I sat with her, prayed for her and her friend until help arrived. Once in the canvas stretcher she motioned for me to come close. As I bent down toward her face she kissed my forehead and said,"You are an angel, I'll never forget these few moments we have shared."
I watched them disappear out of sight and then I knelt in this tiny space. I thanked God for His hand of protection and for allowing me to tend to one of His sheep. Freely I gave all that was in me to give. It was exhilarating and energized me for the rest of my climb.
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