I mentioned in my previous tweet style blog to stay tuned for a dual blog. Two events, two children and two opposite end spectrums. Let me begin this rather long blog with an excerpt from a chapter of the book I am writing.
I had no way of knowing when I left my house on Saturday morning I would lay my head to my pillow in the early hours of Sunday. I had no warning of how radically my life was about to change. I learned something, so horrific and beyond my realm of belief, was unfolding as I went about my day. In the early evening hours I would be summoned to my home, bowling night out interrupted. All I knew while en route from the bowling center to my house was that a very important visitor was there. My children were at work and at high school functions. Shortly after arriving home my best friend from high school appeared followed by my mother. Odd to say the least and my heart pounded when I saw them looking rather sullen. Before anyone could say anything I heard the knock at the door. I turned the door knob and looked in shock as I saw the Navy officer in white dress uniform, hat in hand. I immediately shut the door and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
Nothing, absolutely nothing prepares a parent for the news of a death regarding one of their children. No matter how old or young the child, a parent is not supposed to bury a child. Making matters worse when there is no closure because events happened so suddenly.
My Navy son, age twenty, my first born was gone. An accident while on temporary assignment away from his duty station. "Ma'am I am so very sorry for your loss," the officer told me. "The Department of the Navy sends condolences." Wow!
So much to do and it was getting late. The door opened about nine p.m. and in comes my other children, a son and two daughters. Someone had interrupted there evening events to inform them of the news I was being delivered. They came through the doors, crying and we all huddled on the living room floor. Others arrived and from there forward for the next week things are a blur. What little rest I got that night was due in part to a mild sedative my doctor prescribed.
I love all my children and I especially honor this day with prayer and praise for my son, Paul. He was a bright child and a joy. He was handsome and loved his family. He was a devoted husband and was counting the days till Christmas when he could come home and visit all of us. A visit to never be.
As much as I miss him terribly I am grateful to have nurtured him from womb to cradle. I have many memories, pictures, trips and events we shared. He loved his siblings and was a proud US Navy seaman. He had goals and hope for a great future. He may have a different home right now but he is in the arms of God and one day we will share a lifetime rejoicing around the throne.
It was very hard to bounce back from this event the following morning. I was in a fog from the medication to help me take the edge off the pain. It was my youngest daughters seventeenth birthday. There was no way I wanted the remaining years of her birthdays to be gloomy. But try as I could it was hard to be joyful and ready to celebrate. But she was my baby and struggling with her own issues and those trying high school years. I wanted so much to be able to pretend Paul's death was a bad dream so we could party with the birthday girl, but not this year. I had to fly to Reno and then Virginia.
So what have I learned and how am I doing these sixteen years since. I am doing fine. God has so graciously healed much of the pain and shown me people who I can minister to which are going through similar situations. I've learned to appreciate life on a daily basis. I have even learned how to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. No more regrets over would-of, could-of, should-of's.
It is my hope and prayer to use all the pain in my life as rays of light to minister hope and healing to those in need, those with whom I can relate. Turning pain around is huge for many people. Accepting God's plan for your life allows you to take that very thing the enemy meant to destroy you with and making gains for the kingdom instead.
Lord, thank you for the gift of my children. Paul, Christina, Anthony and Jennifer. Without them my life is not complete. In and through them I have learned joy, strength, and peace. For what ever time I am allowed to hold them, nurture them, mold and shape their lives I am blessed. I know they are actually Your children, just as I am. I submit to Your decisions regarding them. Praise you for bestowing upon this mother, four of the best kids I could ever dream of having. Amen
So as I stand looking at the challenge ahead of me on this next steep climb I dig deep and gather strength, motivation and courage. I remember past events that looked to be life ending and ponder how those have propelled me to be the person I am today. From 'broken' and wounded, down for the count God has showed me how to get up, get going and look for opportunities to share what He has done for me. I am pumped and on the look-out. Bring it! With all my cares positioned in Christ I am unencumbered. Flowing through me is a love so sweet, born a new from tears kissed away by God. It is time to be His hands and feet, kisses and hugs.
No comments:
Post a Comment