Today I made plans for our Thanksgiving trip north to visit friends and family. The first part, visiting friends, will be fun and I'm excited to see them. The later part, visiting family, has its challenges.
Are you part of a dysfunctional family? Most people are in one way or another. I'm not talking about your own inabilities to parent correctly in your eyes. I'm talking about the family dynamics. They are just plain crazy.
I'll share first. You can think though yours. If this topic doesn't fit you, praise the Lord and I am very happy for you. But for the rest of us, here we go.
My father and mother may have liked each other at one point but I truly believe they were never in love. Why I believe that, no display of affection AT ALL, EVER! As a matter of fact, hostility on over drive, oh yes. Then you add to lovelessness, me and my two younger (boy) siblings. Each of us in our own way compartmentalized our rearing and have carried that lovelessness into our marriage(s). To date the five us speak very infrequently and outsiders are all too quick to offer advice and opinions on who is at fault. Guess what? Doesn't help make the situation any better.
I've tried in the past writing letters to my parents trying to explain. Where does that get me? More critical judgement from one and emotional tears and drama from the other. It is sad that at age fifty-seven I am still trying to gain love, respect and affirmation from both of them. Even more sad is that before they die I pray that they can see me and my brothers for what we are. Their children. Take some ownership for their behavior and extend apologies to us. The likelihood of that happening, slim. But I believe that as long as I am praying, hope does prevail.
I looked up the word honor in the dictionary. Here is what it says, "to hold in high respect." The Bible has many scriptures about honoring a few I have listed here for you to reference. Proverbs 20:20, Proverbs 23:22, Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3. I especially like the last one, Ephesians 6:1-3 because of the following verse 4, "fathers do not provoke your children to anger...."Seems that with respect and honoring, goes a dual instruction. I also see that honoring means "in the Lord." So what happens if your parents are not believers?
For most of my life I have showed honor to my parents. I have prayed for them, tried very hard to make them proud of me, lived a life that caused them no embarrassment, etc. It's just that when we are in each others presence the digs, jabs, emotional turmoil begins. Am I talking to anyone else? Can I see anyone nodding their heads?
Lord, please help all of us that suffer from family dysfunction. We know that You are not the author of this but that you do provide an answer. We honor You Lord as our ultimate Parent and give You the highest respect. Please help mend the hearts of many that are torn by the ravages of what has been experienced in their lives. Amen
So while I'm here, knelt at this stump my altar, I begin to not only feel peace in greater measure but joy returning. The dark memories of the past are that, the past. I'm not looking back but instead focusing on the tomorrow and with peace and joy, love will return. Love is the quint essential element to set the family right. It is the one thing our adversary doesn't understand. So we purpose to love those that hurt us and there by release God to deal with their hearts. Oh the freedom, sweet freedom love brings.
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