A Tribute to Ken my beloved

It has been about a week since I have blogged.  I have missed it but have also been in real need of Jesus time.  I am still needing to hear more from the throne and will escape back to my quiet retreat.

But today as I was working I had to take time out to write this and wanted to share it with my readers.  I know it will touch the hearts of many because I know we all struggle with issues.  I promised in this blog to be real and transparent.  This is about as big a gut check as it gets.  

I love this man God has brought into my life and honoring him is way past due.

My Tribute to a Father and Daughter and Daughter

Today while working at home I decided to turn on some music from my iPad.  I love music and even though singing has been a great source of enjoyment for me over my life it has not been something I have spent much time doing over the last twelve years.  That however is another story.

My songs “shuffle” and I soon heard a song begin from one of my favorite musical’s Les Miserables.  I had no idea when I first saw this musical in the 1980’s how it would come to impact my life.  I have seen it so many times including Christmas night 2011 in Dallas when my husband and I took our adopted granddaughter, Nicole, to her first professional theatre production.  She had used Cosette’s song “Castle on a Cloud” for a Children’s theatre audition.  Never realizing how much she had in common with this character. The message of this musical is timeless, incredible poignant and powerful. 

It felt surreal though this Christmas 2012, when all three of us went to the Christmas Day debut of Les Miserables on the big screen.  What a difference this production would make over one year’s time for our family.

I began to sing to the song playing on my iPad and was overcome with a profound sorrow.  I could feel it deep in my soul.  The tears would not stop and I could no longer sing along.  It was just hitting too close to home. 

Let me explain.

Ken and I married in 2000.  Both of us had four children from our previous marriages.  Combined we had eight but I had lost my oldest son in 1996 while he was serving in the US Navy.  No parent should ever have to bury a child.  The grief of losing them is so unconscionable and very difficult to navigate.  To our horror though grief struck our doorstep again.  This time for Ken. 

We lost Nicole’s birth mother, Candice, the youngest adult daughter of my husband, Ken.  What ensued was the grief journey I knew all to well.  This time I was in the support role for my husband, knowing how hideous and overwhelming the next days, weeks and months would be.

Even though we have had Nicole since she was eight weeks old, Candice has been in contact with her over the years; family dinners, birthdays, and holidays.  Nicole was aware Candice was her birth mother and the circumstances why she was unable to parent.

Behavior, actions and poor choices led Candice through some difficult and devastating circumstances of life.  Although many family members tried to help, the culmination of a rough life took it’s toll.  Candice knew the severity of her medical prognosis and accepted it, holding out hope for a miracle.  She expressed her regret of choices made many times as well as her tremendous appreciation to her father for raising Nicole.  Candice most definitely loved Nicole and was comforted to know her only child was in his keeping.  When Candice became gravely ill this year she was accepting of ‘come what may’ and eventually succumbed from a complication of her illness on October 29th, 2012.

Whenever a family suffers with a family member who has gone wayward it takes a toll on everyone.  You love the sinner but not the sin.  You want to support and rescue but have to watch you are not used, abused or acting as enabler for their decisions.  Dysfunction on the part of the wayward person has a way of penetrating everyone in proximity.  You want to do the right thing, but it often becomes cloudy as to what that looks like.

My husband’s ultimate act of love came when he said yes to adopt Nicole.  He knew it would mean several things to him and us as a newly married couple.  Hopes and dreams for the future would be put on hold and possibly never come to fruition, it would require more stamina and finances meaning no retirement.  There was also a return to nighttime feedings, preschool tantrums and school homework.  The future would bring driving lessons, dating, another college education and a wedding to plan for.  But he said yes, we welcomed this child with open arms, and began relying daily on a big God to be our rock, our source, our everything.

I honor my husband because through the years he never waivered in his love and support for his wayward daughter.  When family were exhausted by excessive manipulation, dishonesty and pity parties, he held firm to God and did what Jesus would do, love in spite of it all. 

I am most sorrowful because of my participation in wanting him to pull back.  I was watching him struggle with not knowing how to help or when he was enabling.  It was taking a huge physical, mental and emotional toll on him and as his spouse I didn’t know what to do.  Tough love is what I thought.  I couldn’t lose my husband.  When was enough, enough.

But despite the results of a family meeting, with expressions of love and support for Ken, he prayed and stood firm on his rock, Jesus!  When Candice passed a few weeks later he was relieved to have held firm his commitment as a father.  Candice slipped into the arms of Jesus knowing her earthly father loved her much and her heavenly father loved much more.  She was the daughter of a father who patterned his life like Jesus and a daughter of the King of Kings.  Ken was not only her dear ‘Pops’ but was now the best daddy in the world, watching over Nicole.

So listen to “Fantine’s, Come to me” from Les Miserables and you will hear Candice, Ken and Nicole’s story.  Ken, however, has never shared Jean Valjean’s criminal past but has experienced the transforming love and grace of God just like every person who has confessed Christ as Lord and asked to be clean from the sin life in which we were all born into this world.

God has blessed me to be able to participate in this story of love and redemption as a wife and mother.  Those are roles I won’t take for granted.  I’ll cherish them and with Jesus do to it to the best of my ability.