Today I took Nicole to her play, then to get lunch and on to school. I then went to meet for a business lunch and then home to write and work in my office. This might seem like a hectic busy day but for me NOT. It was actually relaxing. Now I was busy. There was no hurry, hurry, scurry, fast, faster like I have experienced in my months of employment previously. For once I felt calm and got so much done.
It also helps because I start every morning with two things before I even put my feet to the floor. In place of my mind thoughts of the days activities I have replaced those with 1) the Lord's Prayer reworded to be very personal and 2) giving God control of my day and all it will entail. I can say it is a pleasing way to wake up and get going. There is a relaxation and peace knowing I have filled my spiritual tank to the max.
Lord, it was a great day. I love it because I get so much done and feel productive. I don't have the drained feeling. I'm not yawning mid afternoon. I am energized and I know it is the Spirit, alive in me and on the job. Praise You for giving us all such a great comforter. Amen
Moving further down the trail head I notice something out of place. It is a camera lying off the path but partially covered. For a moment it took my breath away. Why? Because it looked like the one my father used to carry when I was a child. It was just a camera but some painful memories flooded my mind. My childhood consisted of more pictures than you can imagine, my father the amatuer photographer. Home was a series of cruel pictures streaming like a movie reel. It was very difficult.
Mom worked and Dad worked two jobs. Until they divorced in my first year of high school the fighting between them was often barely able to be tolerated. My dad was a perfectionist and strict, very strict. I was the recipient of many lashings which in todays culture would constitute jail. I can remember going to third grade in jeans to hide the welts on my legs. The belt beating was rendered for failure to keep my two year old brother from falling down on his head. We were attending a family reunion and all the adults were busy and the children cousins were playing. My instructions were to watch him. I only turned my back for a second. Bam. Screams. Off the porch he tumbled and heavy footsteps coming in answer to his screams meant the worst for me. In front of all my cousins I was layed bare bottomed while the belt cracked across my legs and glutes. My crying only made things worse.
I gazed at the camera and then went over and picked it up. I was astounded to see it fully operational. Film loaded and partially used. Obviously lost by a fellow hiker. I decided to stick it in my backpack. I could develop the photos at home and maybe find the owner by publicly displaying a photo or two.
After tucking the camera in my pack I paused. The memories from my childhood needed addressing. I had carried the scars on my heart for way too long. I got on my knees and prayed. I was in no hurry right now and feeling totally relaxed. This was going to be time alone with my Heavenly Father and His touch was all it would take to heal a 'broken' wounding done by my earthly father.
I spoke like every morning. A prayer of total control relinquishment. "Jesus, I give you the pain the memories and the anger associated with this day when I was nine years old. I ask you to help me forgive my father. I want nothing to do with holding this bad memory any longer."
It didn't take long for an answer to come to my heart. "My daughter I was there that day. I couldn't stop his actions toward you but I could hold you close to me. I took everyone of your tears. I keep them in a special place. A place where everyone who is wounded, grieved, lonely, aching has deposited tears. It is these tears collectively which will wash over your heart taking the pain away. Like driftwood on a wild river the pain will soon be gone."
All it takes is a word from The Lord to heal sometimes. In this case my healing came from reconstituted tears. Tears today added to those from fourty-eight years started the river flowing. That river left love in it's wake. As the current subsided a new calm called joy entered. I opened my backpack and removed the camera. I stepped back, focused and then set the shutter speed. In a click of the trigger I exposed a shot of the place where one of my biggest childhood nightmares was restored. I already have a plan for this picture. I'm going to mount it in a beautiful driftwood frame. I'm going to display it proudly and as a testimony for all who see it. Love is perfect and the end result is peace.
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