The last 24 hours have been very difficult for me. In my journey of 'broken' I never suspected that in order to heal a specific area of my life it would come through some adversity to another. That other person is the most wonderful mother I have ever known. I just wish she had been mine.
My Aunt Dee Dee, Delores her given name, is my fathers sister. She took care of me when I was very young and was a pivotal part of my life. When it came to being strong, loving, and caring she modeled them all in classy elegance. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and was emotionally stable. Since I had a very dysfunctional life she was always there to offer guidance, be encouraging, pray, love and help in any way possible. All the things I wish I had from my own parents but never did.
When my Aunt Dee Dee lost her daughter due to an illness I grieved with her because I was close to my cousin. I never dreamed I would lose my son and experience the same agony she had. It was a bond that drew us even closer. Then when my Aunt was faced with raising her granddaughter I applauded her action even though it had to be tough, parenting again later in life. I never thought that would happen to me too. But nine years ago it did and I found even more that we shared in common. The bonds have gone far from Aunt/Niece. I truely see her as a mother and wanted her to know how deeply I loved her presence in my life. This was never anything either of us sought out, it just developed over time and the turmoil of life we shared. After the fifty plus years I struggled to be good enough, accepted, loved unconditinally with my parents, I resolved to let God deal with their hearts and move forward with people who did validate my existence.
So when I got the call last night that she had suffered a stroke but was in the hospital I immediately went to the Lord and asked for a special touch from Jesus. I am so far away so I sent a message to her via my cousin, her son. I regret that I let busy days keep me from calling more often. I pray that she will recover enough to go home and that I will be able to resume our relationship. After the death of my son and now this illness of my dear Aunt I am even more convinced that we need to take time to strenghten our basic relationships. It is never good to be "too busy" in life. We must find time to stop and stay in touch with those we love.
Lord, I trust in your omnipresence. I know that You are there to minister healing in my Aunts hospital room as you are here with me healing past wounds. I thank you for all the years you held me, loved me, and watched over me, till I could recognize the maternal bonds you provided in my life in this Aunt. I was never alone and through it all you were ever with me. Amen
So as I take this steep climb to the unsuspected ledge I marvel at the beauty around me. I place my Aunt in your safe keeping and ask favor and grace for her in the power of the Holy Spirit. I take a minute to bow my head, say a prayer and find your peace in my heart.
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