How many of my readers out there remember the child toy, Etch-a-sketch? It was so much fun to draw lines and shapes using the two white knobs and then shake it to start over. No need for tablets of paper when you could draw, create and just clear the screen to begin again. As I was praying today I don't know why I thought about this toy. Maybe I wanted to know if God could clear my life screen of all the wrong directions and help me start again. I realize that isn't possible but I can make sure that from here forward my lines of choice I walk are purposeful and in unison with His plan.
I really didn't elaborate yesterday about the revelation in regards to my issue with authority. I wish I could say that just turning it over to God was all that He requires. I know that to be far from the truth. There is an action I am going to have to exercise in walking out a new discipline.
I prayed about where it went wrong. Growing up in a house with a perfectionist father taught me that never hearing praise meant I wasn't good enough. I tried so many things thinking it would bring approval and praise. Nothing. Have you been there? Working, striving, literally killing yourself for recognition and getting nothing? You would think that after awhile we would just resign ourself to what it is and move on. No, not me. How about you? How many of you are still chasing the approval of someone? It doesn't have to be a parent, could be a spouse, boss, co-worker, you name them. It never dawned on me in the all those years that I had all I was craving from my heavenly Father. I just had to receive His approving, unconditional love by appropriating it.
I had been to Vacation Bible School, Sunday School and heard sermon after sermon repeating the same thing. God loves you. He cares. He will always be there. But you know as good as that sounded He wasn't in my real, down to earth, life and I needed some arms around me, voices speaking affirmation. I needed to feel worth taking up space. Instead life groaned on with days turning into years and years into decades and now finally I am learning to be a peace with who I am. It all starts with not rebelling against authority but in fact embracing it.
Lord, help my readers and myself with our issues in this arena. For me it has been years coming but for my readers it might have just begun. Help all of us to rest in You. May we honor the authority You play in our life and relinquish our control of things over to You. Amen
So trudging along the path I'm convinced that yielding to His authority and control sets me free. I am not in bondage any longer and can use the power I gain from submitting to fuel my rebuilding. The 'broken' internal power struggle is now given over to Jesus. For me my etch-a-sketch has been shaken and Jesus is turning the knobs, making straight my path. Where I am headed next is as exciting as watching my feet moving forward. Glad you are here with me. I love you my friends.
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