My morning prayer time directed me to three different chapters of Isaiah. I will summarize the key portions especially speaking to me for this 'broken' journey.
Chapter 29:17-18 talks about the fertile field becoming a forest as the deaf will hear and the blind will see. Both deaf and blind can be broken conditions from birth. In wondering where the Lord would lead me to start healing broken places in my own life it makes perfect sense that He would want to correct a birth defect. A perception is more like it. The foundation for what is to come will be restoring a correct heart set. Notice I didn't say mind set. I want God to change my heart and then my mind can line up,
Going back in time I prayed about when it all went wrong. I know from scripture that everyone, me included, was knit together by God. That means to me that aside from the intentions of my biological parents once the conceiving process began God began the work of forming me. That means that everything about me is His design and intention.
Isaiah 54:4 tells me to fear not, forget the shame of my youth, to not be humiliated or disgraced. Reading further that God called me and that no weapon formed against me shall prosper and further more every tongue that accuses me in judgement I will condemn.
Isaiah 61:7 says that instead of shame I will have a double portion and instead of humiliation everlasting joy.
I can see where this is headed and so I sit down. There in that green, lush, comfortable grassy field I bow my head and weep. I know why this journey is starting at this point, this revelation. There is a huge correction that has to take place in my heart. The story is a painful one and it cuts me today with an even greater intensity than when I first heard it. I think that is because I have birthed four children. My overwhelming love for them was and continues to be the center of my world. The thought of ever rejecting, shaming or humiliating them is beyond even imagination. I couldn't wait to hold them, kiss them, nurture them. But for me.......it was a very different story. That is why this journey of 'broken' must start here.
Lord, I praise you for your creation that is me. I will forever love you and welcome your embrace. It is the kisses and nurture you have and continue to provide that made me the person I am today. Thank you for holding my heart when it was torn and crushed. Kissing away the bruises and guiding me along the path of life. I am in your hands for this journey and the only voice I want to hear is yours. Amen
Before you hear the story just remember I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Loved and wanted by my heavenly father for such a time as this and for His service. I share my life only to glorify Him.
The only person who was there on December 7, 1954 besides my parents was my dear sweet Aunt. She was like a grandmother to me and it caused her extreme pain to relive the moment she first saw me at the nursery window with my father at her side........
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